Work jokes

What do you call a rapper who works at the BANK?

Lil Teller.

I kept asking these kids where their parents are, and they started crying. I walked away laughing, thinking I love my job at an orphanage.

My aunt worked as a human cannonball.

I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.

I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"

"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.

The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"

Alternative punchline:

"I had to call social services, she was only 14."

There's a new Michael Jackson biopic in the works. There is a possibility that we will know who his love interest was.

What we know so far: Billie Jean is not his lover, and that kid [seen with him] is not his son. We also know that Michael Jackson said that sharing his bed with little boys is "healing" and an act of "sharing the love," so take that as you will.

Little Johnny went to school and right before class started, he pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." After that, his teacher told him to put on his pants and go to the office. The principal asked him what he did, so he pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." Then the principal called his mom. The mom got there and took little Johnny home.

They got in the car, and his mother asked, "Johnny, what did you do this time?" So Johnny pulled his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." Once they got home, his dad was off work and heard that Johnny was coming home early from school. Once again he asked Johnny what he did. Johnny pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." After that, his dad was surprised, so his dad pulled down his pants and said, "Big whale, big whale."

"How was your day?"

"It was great."

"What was so great about it?"

"I saw a puppy."

"Awww."

"And I ran over it :)"

Why'd Billy get fired from the banana factory?

He kept throwing with the bent one.

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?

A can't opener.

I shouted at a kid. I told him to get his parents.

It was the last time I worked at an orphanage, 🤣.

I saw a little kid crying. I went up to him and asked where his parents were. I got fired from the orphanage.

What’s the difference between a feminist and a suicidal vest?

A suicidal vest actually works when triggered.

Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?

Because every little bit helps!

I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.

I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Azibo works 10 hours a day in the sun and is paid 1 euro an hour. Thanks to a fundraiser we will be able to raise the necessary funds to buy a whip to make him work twice as much.

Why did the frog take the bus to work today?

His car got toad away.

Why did the Headless Horseman get a job?

He was trying to get ahead in life.

Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!

Asians don't believe in Santa because they make the toys.