Wordplay jokes

I started a band called 999 megabytes... we still haven't gotten a gig.

Here’s a trick I learned to do on the calculator.

Sally had 69 boobs (69) which was too too too many (69222), so she went to the doctor on 51st street (6922251), and he said to take a certain pill 8 times a day (6922251 times 8), which left her (flip your calculator over)

Boobless.

What do you call an idiotic cow?

A mis-steak!

What’s the difference between a tuna and a tube of glue?

You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna.

What happened to the glue?

I knew you would get stuck on that!

I had an animal pun contest today. He started off by saying something. I don’t remember.

Then I replied, “TOUCAN play that game.” He went silent, and my other friend barged in and said, “Don’t you think he’s CHICKENing out?” I said, “Yeah, just stop HORSING around!” He came back with one, and I ended it by saying, “Ok, let’s MOOOOOve on cow.”

Welp, that’s it.

Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."

What's a retard's favorite rock band? Syndrome of a Down.

What do you call a bear without an ear?

B.

What do you call a fish that has a dick?

Moby Dickkkkk!

What feature does an orphan's phone not have?

A home button.

What's the best thing about abuse jokes? The punchline.

A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?

The wiener.

Santa was asked to describe Mrs. Claus in three words. His response was, "Ho ho ho."

What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!

What do you call a single bisexual?

All bi myself.

Do you think the founder of Dunlop was a retired tree surgeon or a hairdresser?

What do cows use to do their homework? A cowculator.

Aren't paraplegics just plegics that can fly?

Person 1: I heard oxygen and magnesium went on a date.

Person 2: OMg!

I would say a good joke, but all the good ones Argon.