Woman jokes

What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?

Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.

How do you know when you should tell a heterosexual woman to stop sucking your dick?

When there is blood coming out of your dick instead of sperm.

Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?

Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?

If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. After all, they are independent and need no man.

Cheer on the rapist if you want.

There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.

Why can’t Indian women drive?

They’re too used to riding their camels.

Do you know why I finger women with my left hand?

They don’t deserve rights!

So, I was in the church the other day, raping this woman, when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.

A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."

My opinion on abortion is very divided. Like, on the one hand, I like the idea of killing babies, but I'm not really into this thing about women being able to make choices.

Why haven’t any women gone to the moon?

A: It doesn’t need to be cleaned.

I got a job at a library once. I got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.

I like my women like I like my wine: 12 years in a basement.

My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”

How do you blind an Irish woman?

You put a bottle of Scotch in front of her.

What did Adam say when he saw Eve?

Answer: "Woman!"

What do women and KFC have in common?

After you get done with the thighs and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

what came first, The apple or the girl? The apple, because the tree left her hanging :)