Woman jokes

A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"

And the women look at him as if they have never seen a man walk into a bar before.

Husband: My wife and I went to the beach today.

Husband: She was wearing a blue wetsuit.

Husband: The second we entered the beach,

Pedestrians: "TSUNAMI! TSUNAMI!"

What would Hitler be called if he abused women? Hither!

I saw a dad shave his daughter's head because she made fun of a woman with cancer.

Good thing she didn’t make fun of a pregnant woman 🤭

Most women are like the Twin Towers.

It's all fun and good when guys fly through them, but once the little people come jumping off them, it becomes sad and awful.

What's the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?

Refrigerators don't queef when you pull your meat out.

There's only one gender. Women are property.

Men should pay for dates because women have to pay for expensive things like makeup because God didn’t finish their faces.

Muslim religion is just pregnant women saying "Allahu Akbar" and exploding a bus.

How can you tell a woman's pussy is good?

You smell her fingers.

Women say men are trash.

Yet men made the phone, laptops, computer and electrical hardware she uses to say men are trash, never mind the electricity she uses to power those devices...

What is a girl's favorite song when they are on their period?

"Period, oh period, oww!"

Two mums hook up!

Their daughter comes in the room and says, "Which one's the baby daddy?"

The "mum" points to the woman who was actually a man!

Friend: You know how I like my women like my coffee... hot.

Me: What if you don't like coffee? :(

Why can't women just shut the fuck up! I hate women. They need to know their place and stay in the kitchen and be baby makers...

Just before lockdown began, a woman took her 15-year-old son, Tom, and 14, 16, and 18-year-old daughters Sally, Mary, and Annie and went to the family cabin in the mountains to wait it out, while her husband stayed in town as an essential worker.

The weekly family Zoom call went well enough...until the 8th week when the father noticed the 14-year-old was looking a little...plump. By the 20th week, the 16-year-old's shirt was starting to pull taut over her tummy, by the 25th the curve of the 18-year-old's belly was rising over the edge of the table her laptop was perched on, and by the 30th week his wife and all 3 girls were very obviously 6 months pregnant, and the poor 14-year-old was so huge she was obviously having triplets.

So the father waited until he'd talked to his wife and daughters, and then asked if he could talk to his son alone.

"Look, I know your mom and the girls are all pregnant. I'm not mad, I just want to know how it happened. We don't have any neighbors up at the cabin, did you break quarantine and invite some hikers in, or go into town for supplies?"

"No, Pop, we haven't seen anyone since we left the city," his son told him earnestly. "And we sure haven't gone into town for supplies, I ran out of condoms on the second day here!"

Gwen pegs Xavier.

I had to run out of the library because I put the cookbooks in the women's sports section.

Helen Keller is so Helen Keller-y that nobody will be as good as Helen Keller.

A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?"

The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."

An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room."

"You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."

A penguin takes his car to the shop, and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal."

"No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream."

If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?

A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect."

"Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"