Woman jokes

A couple is on their first date.

Man: How do you feel about sex?

Woman: I like it infrequently.

Man: I see. Is that one word or two?

Did you know "bj" ends with "job" because if you are giving a man a blow job, it sucks? But if you’re giving it to a woman, it's called "eating out" because it’s a privilege.

What is the only warm organ in a dead woman?

My dick!

How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?

9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.

I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...

A girl said to me yesterday, "I don't know why men act like they are better than women, we all know women are supreme." I was confused, so I asked her how, and she told me, "Well, us women have a pussy, ass, and tits, while guys only have a penis. Women have 3 things while guys only have 1. Women are obviously supreme over men." I told her, "Actually, guys have more than women." "How so?" "Men have rights."

Why haven’t any women gone to the moon?

A: It doesn’t need to be cleaned.

A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.

One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."

Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."

Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"

All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"

The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."

An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator.

"Where are you heading today?" the man asks.

"I'm going down to give blood."

"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"

"About $30."

"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."

The woman, slightly annoyed, gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.

"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"

"Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.

So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.

What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?

Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.

How do you know when you should tell a heterosexual woman to stop sucking your dick?

When there is blood coming out of your dick instead of sperm.

Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?

Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?

If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. After all, they are independent and need no man.

Cheer on the rapist if you want.

There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.

Why can’t Indian women drive?

They’re too used to riding their camels.

Do you know why I finger women with my left hand?

They don’t deserve rights!

I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.

My opinion on abortion is very divided. Like, on the one hand, I like the idea of killing babies, but I'm not really into this thing about women being able to make choices.

90 percent of women kiss with their eyes closed, which is why it's so difficult to identify a rapist.