Woman jokes

The Good Old Days.

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

It’s true women do make less money than men.

But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.

What starts with a P and ends in S? (hint: men have it and women want it). Pockets.

What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?

They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.

What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?

“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”

Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.

Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”

What do you call a group of transgender women? Ex-Men.

I hope death is a woman That way she'll never look at me twice

A man accidentally elbows a woman's boob as she is standing behind him in a hotel lobby. The man apologizes profusely and says, "If your heart is as soft as your breasts, I know you'll forgive me."

To which the woman replied, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 318."

A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."

What do women, tornadoes, and hurricanes have in common? They all get the house.

What did the woman do when the armed police officer raped her?

Freeze.

A brunette fought and didn't get raped.

A blonde thought and did get raped.

90 percent of women kiss with their eyes closed, which is why it's so difficult to identify a rapist.

I'm torn on the issue of abortion. I'm pro-abortion because it kills babies, but I'm against abortion because it gives women a choice.

I like my women like how I like my cocaine, smuggled and cut clean.

I like my women how I like my fridge.

In the kitchen.

A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.

He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.

The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.

On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"

Q: How do you blind a woman?

A: You put a windshield in front of her.