Woman jokes

Vagina?

What’s one thing a man can do that a woman can’t?

Sit down and shut up.

What do you call women's rights: A blank sheet of paper.

An autistic woman walks into a bar. "A serving of Screaming Banshee, please," she says.

The bartender says, "Ok, you seem to like it, unlike a retired special ed teacher that passed through a few minutes ago."

I always felt like a man trapped in a woman's body. But then I was born.

But in my defense, I was young then, and I had a womb without a view.

"Just killed a woman, feeling good."

- Tommyinnit

A Chinese man and an Indian man are in a car. Who’s driving?

A woman.

What is the best joke in the world? Women’s rights.

Why did God create yeast infections?

So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.

Just before lockdown began, a woman took her 15-year-old son, Tom, and 14, 16, and 18-year-old daughters Sally, Mary, and Annie and went to the family cabin in the mountains to wait it out, while her husband stayed in town as an essential worker.

The weekly family Zoom call went well enough...until the 8th week when the father noticed the 14-year-old was looking a little...plump. By the 20th week, the 16-year-old's shirt was starting to pull taut over her tummy, by the 25th the curve of the 18-year-old's belly was rising over the edge of the table her laptop was perched on, and by the 30th week his wife and all 3 girls were very obviously 6 months pregnant, and the poor 14-year-old was so huge she was obviously having triplets.

So the father waited until he'd talked to his wife and daughters, and then asked if he could talk to his son alone.

"Look, I know your mom and the girls are all pregnant. I'm not mad, I just want to know how it happened. We don't have any neighbors up at the cabin, did you break quarantine and invite some hikers in, or go into town for supplies?"

"No, Pop, we haven't seen anyone since we left the city," his son told him earnestly. "And we sure haven't gone into town for supplies, I ran out of condoms on the second day here!"

What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!

A man goes to a motel room and sees a woman tied up and she said, "Help me please!" He had to do some forceful thinking.

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

I must have raped a woman in a skip. She said she felt rubbish.

Yeah, so why can't a blind woman drive?

Exactly, cuz she's a woman.

How do you know Adam and Eve were white?

Have you ever tried taking a rib from black women?

What is a woman's name with one leg?

Eileen.

Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u.

Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her).

Q: Do you know why God created yeast infections?

A: So women will know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt, too.

What did the blind man say when he walked by the fish store?

"Hello Ladies!"