Woman

Woman jokes

Blonde joke

A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."

House

What do women, tornadoes, and hurricanes have in common? They all get the house.

Doctor

My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”

Rapist

90 percent of women kiss with their eyes closed, which is why it's so difficult to identify a rapist.

Abortion

I'm torn on the issue of abortion. I'm pro-abortion because it kills babies, but I'm against abortion because it gives women a choice.

Wheelchair

A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.

He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.

The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.

On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"

Rape

What did the woman do when the armed police officer raped her?

Freeze.

Sex

My teacher asked us what sex is. My friend, Bobby, got up and said in a loud, clear voice, "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation, where a boy puts his location into a woman's destination to increase the population of the next generation. Do you understand my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?" The teacher shot him 23 times before she fainted.

Sandwich

I like my women the way I like my sandwiches... A little meat between their buns.

Video

A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"

Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"

"Our wedding video."

Rape

What’s the difference between football and rape?

Women don’t like football.

Washing Machine

What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you after you put a load in it.

Rape

A brunette fought and didn't get raped.

A blonde thought and did get raped.

Sequel

Have you heard of the new sequel to "The Exorcist"?

A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son.