Woman Jokes

A man goes to a motel room and sees a woman tied up and she said help me please, he had to do some forceful thinking

What does a woman and Kentucky fried chicken Have in common? By the time you're done with the breasts and the thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

Three men die the same time and I'll go to heaven to go find St Peter St Peter says to them is going to be a long journey to heaven so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives we'll start with you Michael since you were quite the womanizer you and cheating on your on your wife multiple times you will be getting a Toyota the man embarrassed left in the Toyota Nolan you you were better you cheated on your wife twice so I will give you a Mercedes now for now as for you mark you never cheated on your wife you are an absolute saint so I will be giving you a Lamborghini and the Man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car and he and the Man in the Toyota what the hell is going on and the Man in the Lamborghini says I was through streets of Heaven and so my wife riding in roller skates

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."

A woman ran into a police station screeming "help i have bin graped" the policeman said "do you mean raped" the woman said "no the was a bunch of then".

Whats the same with a controller and a woman?

They both work if you hit them.

What's about 12 inches long has a purple head and can make woman scream all night?

Cot death

Every woman will die in five seconds Mother : dies Sister : dies Girlfriend:lives You : 🤬

What do cannibals think when they see a pregnant woman

Kinder egg surprise

man says "what's Ligma" woman says"Ligma balls" baby says :nothing she transgender.

What would a man say to flirt with a woman that has a big butt? You are so butty – ful!

What does a woman call Stormzy in bed ?

Stiff chocolate

i must have raped a woman in a skip. She said she felt rubbish.

*a married woman gets hit by a truck and the cops tell her husband Cop: sir, it looks like your wife’s been hit by a truck Man; I know but she has a great personality

A man and a woman get married. The woman was Retired hooker. The man was a poet. The man said as they did 69, you taste better than my most delecious gormet meal. The woman said, well you aren’t too bad either. But the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop. They dot divorced that night.

I had a new blonde" part's expert" woman call for parts. I needed 2 ought wire for a job. She calls NAPA auto and asks for twat wire.. the part's guy was assuming she didn't know about planned parenthood? .. 😂🤣

Guy: Hi, how was your day today. Woman: Good! Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant* Guy: How many months pregnant are you? Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also I’m not pregnant.