Woman

Woman jokes

Autopsy

    • My wife walked in on me cheating on her and said, "How could you cheat on me?!" I said, "She was lying naked on the table what I was supposed to do?" and my wife responded with, "Perform the autopsy."

    Gender

    • If I had a dollar for every gender, I would only have one dollar because women are objects and men are superior.

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    • Pregnancy

    • Guy: Hi, how was your day today?

    Woman: Good!

    Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant*

    Guy: How many months pregnant are you?

    Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also, I’m not pregnant.

    Bedroom

    • Women should be seen and not heard.

    But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?

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    • Rape

    • The amount of women judging me for raping a poor lady is terrible. You weren't there. You don't know!

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    • Woman memes

    Difference

    • What is the difference between a man peering through the key hole and a woman in the bath?

    One is rude and nosy; the other is rude and nosy.

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    • Lover

    • A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son in the closet.

    One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son. Inside the closet, the little boy says, “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Yes, it is,” the man replies. “You wanna buy a baseball?” the little boy asks. “No thanks,” the man replies. “I think you do want to buy a baseball,” the little extortionist continues. “OK. How much?” the man replies, after considering the position he was in. “Twenty-five dollars,” the little boy replies. “TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!” the man repeats. “That’s awful expensive,” but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.

    The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy. “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” the boy starts off. “Yes, it is,” replies the man. “Wanna buy a baseball glove?” the little boy asks. “OK. How much?” the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage. “Fifty dollars,” the boy replies, and the transaction is completed.

    The next weekend, the little boy’s father says, “Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we’ll play some catch.” “I can’t. I sold them,” replies the little boy. “How much did you get for them?” asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy. “Seventy-five dollars,” the little boy says. "SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That’s thievery! I’m taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father explains as he hauls the child away.

    At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Don’t you start that crap in here,” the priest says.

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    • Symptom

    • As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.

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    • Karma

    • So I was at the store and I saw a pretty woman, and I said, "Hi."

    Quickly, she said, "I am not interested. I have a husband."

    And when I saw the woman again, she said, "I need help."

    I said, "No, call your husband!" KARMA. 😂😜

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    • Truck

    • A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:

    Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."

    Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."

    Circle

    • You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?

    Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.

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