Woman jokes
Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?
Answer: She’s dead.
What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!
Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u.
Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her).
What is the first thing you would do if you woke up as a woman?
"Probably the dishes."
I hope death is a woman. That way, she'll never come for me.
Q: Do you know why God created yeast infections?
A: So women will know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt, too.
I like my women like I like my wine.
Twelve years old and tied up in my basement.
Women deserve rights and lefts.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a pregnant emo girl?
The emo girl still bleeds.
Yesterday a woman stabbed me, so I stabbed her back. Then I realized she was the vaccine woman.
How did the lesbian die? Homicide.
You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?
Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.
A man walked into a toilet and saw a woman fingering a man and said, "I think you're doing it wrong." Turns out it was two transvestites.
What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.
What did the naked man say to the naked woman?
"Suck my dick."
As a woman, why is your stomach bigger than your bums? 😒
What does an eighty-year-old woman have in between her boobs that a twenty-year-old woman doesn't?
A belly button.
How do you get a woman to give head? Force it down her throat and hold the back of her head. Make her gag for a little and then pull out. Do this over and over for 30 seconds or so. If she doesn't open up, choke her and force her mouth open.
Woman aren't human anyways... lol.
A woman comes from a restaurant and ate a lot of beans.
When she gets home, her husband puts a blindfold on her and says not to take it off. The lady hears her husband leave the room and starts farting really loudly. When the husband comes back and takes off the blindfold, the lady sees 12 people with pegs on their noses singing happy birthday!
What do you say to a woman in a wheelchair with no arms or legs?
"Nice tits."