Woman jokes
A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"
Why did the woman throw her bills out the window? She wanted to send them via airmail.
They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.
Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.
The Good Old Days.
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
What do garbage bins and horny women have in common?
They wait to be filled with a big load.
What do women and chess have in common? When you sacrifice the females and replace them, you are more likely to win.
A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."
How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.
How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them if you keep reloading.
What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?
“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”
Why are there more female history teachers than male?
Because women like to bring up the past.
Pro marriage tip: Let your wife know you’re all about women’s rights, especially the right to remain silent, because all appliances should be silent.
I got kicked out of the library for putting the Women's Rights book in the fantasy section.
What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.
Stephen Hawking went on a date and came back with a broken leg. I can't believe she stood him up.
A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."
Abortion is a really touchy subject for me. On one hand, there's dead babies! But on the other hand, women get a choice.
I once got in trouble in the library for putting the women's right book in the fantasy section.
What’s the best part about having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.