Woman jokes
Why are women like KFC? After you finish with the thigh and the breasts, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.
So, she went to see the "You Should Be Shot" Photography Studio.
How do women hold their liquor? By the ears.
An Ob-Gyn asks a lady to put her feet up on the stirrups.
Doctor: My God, you have the biggest vagina I’ve ever seen!
Woman: You don’t have to say that twice.
Doctor: I didn’t.
I got a job at a library. I got fired after 15 minutes. They told me it was because I put women's rights in the fiction section.
Would you rather get a massage from a man or get major surgery from a woman?
Why are Black women dating white men?
So their kids don’t have to worry about not meeting their father.
What’s the difference between a woman and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.
Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!
So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.
What do you call a blank piece of paper?
Women's rights.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?
A kinder surprise.
At the library, I got in trouble for putting a cooking book in the women's section.
How did the lesbian die? Homicide.
I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.
What did Adam say when he saw Eve?
Answer: "Woman!"
How do you blind an Irish woman?
You put a bottle of Scotch in front of her.
A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."
What’s the difference between women and condoms?
There isn’t a difference; they’re both throw aways.
Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.
Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"
Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."
Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"
Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"
Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."
Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."
What do you call a flat-chested emo girl?
A cutting board.