Woman jokes

Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.

Doctor: Sex is good for you!

Why do men have penises?

They gotta shut women up somehow.

So this is how I got divorced.

On my birthday my boss, who was a hot sexy woman who I have always had an eye on her huge ass and tits, wished me happy birthday and took me to her house. She went into the shower and came out dressed and this made me disappointed. But then she stripped off and made my dick go into her pussy and before I could realize I heard her main door creak. And in came my wife, mum, and my 2 kids, 8 years old and 12 years old. Although my wife joined in, she was mad after since that was not my wife, that was my wife's twin sister. Do not know why woman these days are like this!!!!!!!!!!

A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says, "Don't worry, there will be a third person in a little while."

What's that useless skin around the vagina and the boobies?

The women.

Once a naked woman robs a bank, but sadly, no one can remember her face...

Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u.

Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her).

Women used to fear their nudes getting leaked.

Now it’s $3.99.

A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden Bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn, comes in to take a piss. The man can't help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised at how well endowed he is, and he asks: "Bubba, what's your secret?"

Bubba replies: "Well, every night before I get in bed with a woman I whack my dick on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"

The man was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night, before he went to bed with his wife. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says "Bubba, is that you?"

I like my women like I like my chocolate.

Edible.

I like my women like I like my coffee: nice, fresh, and dead.

The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"

"This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world!", says Johnny.

The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny, and says, "Now you know that's not true, son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."

Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true, but one drop of this on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"

I like my women like I like my coffee.

Without other people's dicks in it.

What looks like peanut butter and jelly, and makes a woman scream?

Afterbirth.

How many genders are there?

One, women are property.

What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?

The nun gets pregNUNt.

I like my women how I like my cigars: 7 years old and coming from Cuban in a burlap sack.

Why are all women's feet small? So they can stand closer to the stove.

When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.

You know, when women clean their nails with chemicals, no one cares, but when Hitler tries to clean Poland with chemicals, everyone goes crazy.