Woman jokes
Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.
Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.
"In chess, a queen can move in more directions than the king."
I mean, yeah, the chessboard looks like a kitchen floor, so-
Obama, Trump, and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.
Obama: "This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children!"
Trump: "Screw the women and children!"
Clinton: "Do you think we have time...?"
Women are like towers, the man wants to bang them both.
At the library, I got in trouble for putting a cooking book in the women's section.
Yo mama so fat when she walks the earth talks!
LMAO
What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.
What's the difference between Ironman and Ironwoman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.
Q: How do you blind a woman?
A: You put a windshield in front of her.
Q: What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A: A battery has a positive side.
Q: What's the difference between a knife and a woman arguing?
A: A knife has a point.
Why do more women than men oppose abortion? Because they prefer not to get raped.
Why do more men than women support abortion? So they can keep raping women and the victims will just abort their kids to not have to relive the experience!
A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."
What is a woman doing with an empty sheet?
Reading her rights!
If you buy two condoms, but you're banging a woman, it's fine, don't throw it away, just make her transgender.
I dunno man, worked for me.
A blind woman told me I had a big penis yesterday.
I think she was pulling my leg.
"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" "At the butcher shop!"
A plane is about to crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out.
A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a man man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, takes off his shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!