Wildlife jokes

Did you know the giraffe’s hooves are the size of dinner plates? Too bad they would have nothing to put on them!

What animal has more lives than a cat?

A frog. It croaks every night.

My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

I'm a cheetah, I cheat, duh?

Why would you leave a damn gorilla out in the middle of the parking lot after you let the zookeeper bring a chimpanzee home from the zoo because me and the gorilla had too much to drink?

I once had an owl who I thought it would fly away.

Why didn't the bear leave home?

He could not bear leaving his family.

What's black, white, and "read" all over?

A zebra after a lion is full.

When you’re hunting at a forest resort and you shoot a deer, but then you remember that there are no deer at the forest resort.

Me and my friend were hunting ducks. He had a 12 gauge shotgun, and he looked over and I had a .50 caliber machine gun. He said, "You're crazy!" I responded, "Quackers."

Dad: I get to touch animals every day at the zoo.

Kid: Why?

Dad: I clean up animal s*** at the zoo.

Why do cheetahs have spots?

Chickenpox!

Why can't cheetahs play any games?

Because they're cheetahs!

My grandfather had the heart of a lion,

and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

Have you ever heard of the stupid coyote? He got stuck in a trap, chewed off three of his legs, and was still stuck!

A bear walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Can I have a grilled . . . cheese?"

The barkeep asks the bear, "What's with the big pause?" The bear says, "Well, I'm a bear."

Why do animals have playing cards with foxes?

Because they’re a bunch of cheetahs!

What did the mother cheetah say to her cub?

"Go to bed or I'll slap your spots off you!"

All my friends live in a forest. It's called Aokigahara.

What did the Cheetah say to the Lion?

"I'm a Cheetah!"