Wildlife jokes
What did the panther say at the poker party?
I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Of course, houses can't jump.
Why can't cheetahs play any games?
Because they're cheetahs!
Me: I found a group of furries in the woods.
Voice in back: Well, it looks like we're going huntin'.
Koalas are awesome!
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. The man orders a beer, one for him and one for the giraffe.
After they finish their drinks, the giraffe falls over, and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door.
The bartender says, "Stop! You can't leave that thing lying on the floor!"
The man says, "Mate, that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
What makes a raccoon 🦝 very rich?
Its rings!
I was in the car, and I got out and saw a deer walking sexy, and I'm like, "What the..."
Your mama is so fat, when she went camping, the bears hid their food from her.
Having sex in the woods and a deer walks up and fucks you from the back.
What's black, white, and "read" all over?
A zebra after a lion is full.
What'd the farmer say when a coyote killed and ate his rooster?
"No, you ate my cock!"
Why can't you do a Math test in the zoo?
Because there are too many Cheetahs!
What do you call an animal flouting?
Super bird!
What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?
You can’t abuse an alligator.
Pigeons can be annoying at times, especially when their bones get stuck in-between your teeth.
Oh, the monkeys in the trees, they dance and they play, Their fur so soft, their eyes so bright, they chatter all day. Their tails so long, their hands so fine, they swing and they sway, In the trees, they're the kings of the fray.
Their antics bring joy, their laughter so free, They're a delight to watch, as they jump and they spree. Their mischief is contagious, their fun so true, They're a treasure, a gift to me and you.
Their little hands so deft, their feet so light, They swing through the trees, with grace and might. They're a wonder, a marvel to see, A precious gift, a treasure to me.
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."
Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says $30,000.
The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
Why is there no gambling in Africa?
Too many Cheetahs.
What is an animal that is always at a baseball game?
A bat! 🤣🦇🦇🦇🦇