Wildlife jokes
Why doesn't anyone play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
I was walking in the forest with my gf.
I had a Desert Eagle for protection.
A bear jumped out of the bushes; one shot was enough to put my gf down, and it gave me enough time to run away.
Why did the tiger lose at poker?
Answer: Because he was playing with a cheetah.
What kind of animal falls from the sky?
Answer: A raindeer.
Dad: I get to touch animals every day at the zoo.
Kid: Why?
Dad: I clean up animal s*** at the zoo.
Q: Why did the first Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead too.
Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the other two Koalas on the way down.
Q: Why did the fourth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.
Q: Why did the fifth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was curious to see where the others were going.
Q: Why did the sixth Koala fall off the tree? A: It was tied to the fifth koala.
Q: Why did the seventh Koala fall off the tree? A: Peer group pressure.
In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle Dave...
Animal jokes, eh?
Toucan play at that game.
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
Did you know the giraffe’s hooves are the size of dinner plates? Too bad they would have nothing to put on them!
Why can't college students take exams at the zoo?
Too many cheetahs!
Imagine you are getting eaten by an alligator. What do you do?
Stop imagining!
What did the mother cheetah say to her cub?
"Go to bed or I'll slap your spots off you!"
What did the buffalo say to the buffalo's son?
"Bi-son."
Why didn't the bear leave home?
He could not bear leaving his family.
Why didn't the bear go to college?
Because bears don't go to college.
How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?
You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.
A bear walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Can I have a grilled . . . cheese?"
The barkeep asks the bear, "What's with the big pause?" The bear says, "Well, I'm a bear."
A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Do you have any problems with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says, "No." So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.
"Captain, captain, the armadillo has been sighted by the lizard!"