A special quote: “No, Mackenzie! You're the savage beast!”
Why did the deer cross the road? Its friends deered it to.
Why is an elephant big, grey, and hairy?
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
The doe comes out of the woods, shakes herself, and says,
"I can't believe I did that for 2 bucks!"
What do you call a wild party in a bamboo forest?
Panda-monium!
What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.
What'd the farmer say when a coyote killed and ate his rooster?
"No, you ate my cock!"
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. The man orders a beer, one for him and one for the giraffe.
After they finish their drinks, the giraffe falls over, and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door.
The bartender says, "Stop! You can't leave that thing lying on the floor!"
The man says, "Mate, that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
Once a cheetah, always a cheetah.
Two hunters are walking in the forest together. Hunter #2 flops down, unconscious, and Hunter #1 dials 911.
Operator: "911, what's your emergency?"
Hunter no. 1: "The other hunter, hunting with me in the woods, fell asleep."
Operator: "Check if he's/she's (not assuming genders) dead."
*Operator hears a distant gunshot*
Hunter no. 1: "What do I do next?"
Why do mountains get so big?
They have no natural predators.
Koalas are awesome!
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly, a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs.
Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
Why are cheetahs bad at running away? They always get spotted.
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the worst dam program I've ever seen.
Why don't we wrestle bears?
The pain is un-bearable.
What did one squirrel say to the other squirrel?
"Stop staring at my nuts."
What does a bear beat off with?
His bear hands.
