Wildlife jokes
A panda goes to see a hooker. He goes down on her, he mates with her, he ejaculates and then he attempts to walk away.
The working girl asks, "Aren't you going to pay me?"
She opens the dictionary to "Prostitute: One who sells sexual companionship for money."
The panda picks up the dictionary and turns to the definition "Panda: A marsupial who eats, roots, shoots, and leaves."
One day, a cop pulls a van over, and when he walks up to the window, he sees ten penguins in the back.
The cop asks the man, “Are those your penguins?”
The man says, “Yes, they are my pets.”
The cop replies to the man, “You need to take them to the zoo right now.”
So the man agrees and drives off. The next day, the cop pulls over the same van, and he walks up to the window and sees the ten penguins all wearing sunglasses.
The cop says to the man, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.”
The man says, “I did! Today, we are going to the beach!”
"Captain, captain, the armadillo has been sighted by the lizard!"
Explain Bear weighs 1 ton.
What'd the farmer say when a coyote killed and ate his rooster?
"No, you ate my cock!"
Animals are just... so hot!
How to catch Bigfoot: 1. Dig a large pit. 2. Build a fire in the pit and let it burn all the way to ashes. 3. Place small green peas all around the rim of the pit. 4. Hide in the bushes and wait. When Bigfoot goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.
Oh, the monkeys in the trees, they dance and they play, Their fur so soft, their eyes so bright, they chatter all day. Their tails so long, their hands so fine, they swing and they sway, In the trees, they're the kings of the fray.
Their antics bring joy, their laughter so free, They're a delight to watch, as they jump and they spree. Their mischief is contagious, their fun so true, They're a treasure, a gift to me and you.
Their little hands so deft, their feet so light, They swing through the trees, with grace and might. They're a wonder, a marvel to see, A precious gift, a treasure to me.
Why doesn't anyone play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
I think I'm a red zebra!! Cuz I'm stripped red, iykwim.
What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.
My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What do you call a deer with no ear?
One ear.
Why don’t cheetahs get married?
They always cheat on each other.
Which animal is the least trustworthy?
Me: I found a group of furries in the woods.
Voice in back: Well, it looks like we're going huntin'.
What do you call 2 nudists in Africa?
Naked and Afraid.
A special quote: “No, Mackenzie! You're the savage beast!”
What do you call a deer that has no eye? No-eye deer!
Why did the deer cross the road? Its friends deered it to.