Wildlife jokes
7000+ bats.
Two hunters are walking in the forest together. Hunter #2 flops down, unconscious, and Hunter #1 dials 911.
Operator: "911, what's your emergency?"
Hunter no. 1: "The other hunter, hunting with me in the woods, fell asleep."
Operator: "Check if he's/she's (not assuming genders) dead."
*Operator hears a distant gunshot*
Hunter no. 1: "What do I do next?"
What do squirrels eat?
Nuts. 🥜
The doe comes out of the woods, shakes herself, and says,
"I can't believe I did that for 2 bucks!"
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I've ever seen.
What do you call a wild party in a bamboo forest?
Panda-monium!
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly, a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs.
Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
Which animal is the least trustworthy?
Driving on a road at night and hit a speed bump. Remember, there are no speed bumps... I hit Bambi!
Why don't we wrestle bears?
The pain is un-bearable.
What does a bear beat off with?
His bear hands.
When it comes to bears, of course they always give bear hugs, well what do you call them when they aren't hugging right?
Just barely hugging you! Lol.
My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
So, a bear and a rabbit are in a field. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Does your poop stick to your fur?" The rabbit replied, "No." Then the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his butt.
A special quote: “No, Mackenzie! You're the savage beast!”
Why is there no gambling in Africa?
Too many Cheetahs.
What's white, black, and red all over?
A zebra who walked into a hunting reserve.
[god creating alligators]
God: See that log?
Angel: Yes...?
God: Now fill it with teeth.
Angel: Say again?
God: FILL IT WITH TEETH!
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the worst dam program I've ever seen.
Why does the orphan like nature? He can call someone "mother."