Wife jokes
What do you call your mom?
My wwwwiiiiiifffffffeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!@#$%
Some guy was mad at his ex-wife! So he threw a bottle of alcohol into her house when he was drunk.
And realized when he was being questioned for arson, his cigarette was in the rim of the bottle.
Technoblade never got a wife.
Wife: "Honey? What do you think about my teeth?"
Husband: "They remind me of stars... yellow and far apart."
The woman said stop, but the man kept going, so the wife just kept fucking.
As ruler of a kingdom, I wanted a knight. Duke Leo Pessi IV offered himself but wanted a wife in return. I offered my beautiful daughter to him. However, he slapped her and proceeded to wreck my castle. All this whilst crying “I don’t want princess, I want farmer!”
DAMN YOU PESSI!
I wish my ex-wife would take me back. :(
What do my wife and dinner have in common? They are both vegetables.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his wife changed the Wi-Fi password.
Teacher: Can someone tell me the only living thing that can reproduce without sex?
Little Johnny: "Your wife."
A rich man and a poor man are talking about anniversaries. The rich man got his wife a Mercedes and a diamond ring. He says if the wife does not like the ring, she can take the Mercedes and leave.
The poor man said he got his wife slippers and a dildo. He says if his wife does not like the slippers, she can go and fuck herself.
My wife is a whore, so I pimped her out and broke her mentally and emotionally, taught her a good lesson of being a real woman loyal to her man. End of story, you women are bitches.
Did you hear about the cannibal that came home late?
His wife gave him the cold shoulder.
My wife said, "Why oh why have you ordered carpet, our house is lovely?"
Thankfully the carpet was put to good use in the end, no more stupid comments coming from a rolled up Emily in the bottom of the ocean!
I miss my wife, Tails.
What did the feather say to his wife?
You light my day.
Dschoha's wife was accustomed to go out at night to meet her lover, which caused the neighbors to tease Dschoha. Thus, one night he stayed awake until she left, then locked the door and sat down just inside.
Upon returning, she found the door locked. She asked him to have mercy on her and to open the door, but he just scolded her.
Having given up hope for a good outcome, she said to him, "If you don't open the door for me, I'll jump into the well."
Then she picked up a large stone and threw it into the well. Filled with regret, he ran outside to see what had happened. His wife immediately slipped into the house and locked the door.
He made every effort to convince her to let him come inside, but she scolded him incessantly, saying, "This is what you get for staying out all night with your drunken friends!" And thus she succeeded in shaming him in the presence of all their neighbors.
What do windows have in common with my wife's legs? They're easy to open.
How many dicks can fit inside of a hooker? I don't know, ask your wife.
Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.