when i went to the doctors he pulled his wife in, and said what do you see? I replied a fat bitch he said ok your eyesight is perfect.
why does doctor pepper come in a bottle?
his wife died
zozo laughed at his wife for her husband being a hobo
so once upon a time there was a man who lived in his house with his wife
he got up to go out to work and closed the front door behind him
not even 4 seconds later he came back inside panicking, saying "there's a rabbit with a gun outside!"
the wife replied "oh don't worry rabbits don't have guns they can't shoot people- you must be imagining things"
the man calmed down for a few minutes, and after some reassuring, he eventually decided to try to go back out to work again
so he stepped outside the front door and the rabbit shot him
Wife:hi babe Husband:Hey Wife:Do u wanna Husband:YES Wife:Ok make sure you have a towel to go to the beach Husband:WHAT you mean go to the beach Wife:yes what did u think i ment Husband:oh nothing bye Wife:Bye see u there
What’s red,slimy,and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!
Why did my wife leave me?
I wish I knew.
I said to my wife that she's that ugly that she threw a boomerang and it never came back
when your wife gets pregnet and you dont want a kid just come on down to momma mias pizzareia and abortion clinic!
his wife shut off the internet
Husband:can we try anal tonight Wife: fuck that shit Husband:that's the spirit
When Caesar’s wife told him she dreamed he should beware the Ides of March, he scoffed and said, “What? It’s not like I’m gonna be stabbed 23 times by my best buddies!”
I just wanted to write something random
And now my wife is dead
One Easter Sunday, a man goes to church and returns home with two black eyes.
His wife inquires as to how he got the black eyes.
The man goes on to say, “a lady stood up in front of me during mass, I saw her dress was stuck in the butt crack, so I reached out and tugged it out. She whirled around, became furious, and punched me in the eye.”
“That explains one black eye,” the wife says, “but what about the other?” The man explains, “I figured she must have liked her dress stuck up in her butt crack, so when she turned around I stuffed it back up there”
A blind man went to a restaurant.
menu sir? asked the owner. I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order. The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork, and returned to the blind man. The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables. Unbelievable, thought the owner. The blind man ate and left. Two weeks later the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to know how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking and said, do me a favor and rub this fork over your private part which she did. He then goes to the blind man and gives him the fork. The blind man takes it and puts it to his nose and says, oh interesting! I never knew Brenda works here!
Why did the farmers wife chase the chickens out of the yard?
Cuz they were using fowl language!
my wife accused me of cheating I told her she started to sound like my wife
My wife called me ugly and then when she fount out how much money i actually make she called me ugly and broke
Julius’s wife always stands behind him. Therefore, whenever he looks in the mirror, he sees her (Caesar).
Knock knock, who's there? stranger, stranger who? stranger why are you in my house masticating my apparent dead wife?
