What do you call your mom?
My wwwwiiiiiifffffffeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!@#$%
Wife Jokes
The woman said stop, but the man kept going, so the wife just kept fucking.
Teacher: Can someone tell me the only living thing that can reproduce without sex?
Little Johnny: "Your wife."
As ruler of a kingdom, I wanted a knight. Duke Leo Pessi IV offered himself but wanted a wife in return. I offered my beautiful daughter to him. However, he slapped her and proceeded to wreck my castle. All this whilst crying “I don’t want princess, I want farmer!”
DAMN YOU PESSI!
I wish my ex-wife would take me back. :(
What do my wife and dinner have in common? They are both vegetables.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his wife changed the Wi-Fi password.
Wife: "Honey? What do you think about my teeth?"
Husband: "They remind me of stars... yellow and far apart."
Technoblade never got a wife.
A rich man and a poor man are talking about anniversaries. The rich man got his wife a Mercedes and a diamond ring. He says if the wife does not like the ring, she can take the Mercedes and leave.
The poor man said he got his wife slippers and a dildo. He says if his wife does not like the slippers, she can go and fuck herself.
Did you hear about the cannibal that came home late?
His wife gave him the cold shoulder.
My wife said, "Why oh why have you ordered carpet, our house is lovely?"
Thankfully the carpet was put to good use in the end, no more stupid comments coming from a rolled up Emily in the bottom of the ocean!
Some guy was mad at his ex-wife! So he threw a bottle of alcohol into her house when he was drunk.
And realized when he was being questioned for arson, his cigarette was in the rim of the bottle.
What did the feather say to his wife?
You light my day.
I miss my wife, Tails.
How many dicks can fit inside of a hooker? I don't know, ask your wife.
What do windows have in common with my wife's legs? They're easy to open.
Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.
Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.
I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.
By the time I ran my wife over with my car, I had to stop for gas twice.
