Wife jokes
It was an emotional wedding, even the cake was in tiers.
Why does this stingray's wife can't stop babbling?
'Cause she can't watch her mouth.
My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.
So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
His wife shut off the internet.
My wife told me to give her 8 inches, so I had to have sex with her 4 times and punch her in the nose.
My wife is an optimist. Our first night together, she handed me a Magnum XL condom. I didn’t know what to do, so I made her a balloon animal 🎈🦒.
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back.
Why did Stephen Hawking's wife leave him? She was sick of buying triple A batteries.
The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)
How did Stephen Hawking die? His wife needed to charge her iPhone.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.
Once, there was a couple about to have sex. "I have something to confess," said the shy wife. The husband then said, "Whatever it is, I will still love." The wife then said, "Honey, I'm flat chested." The husband said, "It's okay, I'm a baby down there anyways." He then pulled down his pants and began to have sex.
The next day, the wife said, "I thought you were a baby down there." The husband then said, "I am; 22 inches and 7 pounds."
There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.
"Guess what my wife left in the freezer?"
"Her miscarriage."
Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."
Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."
Wife: "No, you're not."
I like my bread how I like my wife: cold and stiff.
Riddle: A man killed his wife in his car with a knife, and no one could see him. He threw the body out of the car and threw the knife off a cliff. When he got home, the cops called the man and told him his wife was dead and to come to the scene of the crime. The man agreed and rushed to the scene. When he got there, the cops immediately arrested him. Why?
ANSWER: The cops never said where the scene of the crime is.
Kid: Dad, I want Santa to give me an iPhone.
Indian poor dad: Son, Santa is deaf.
Kid: No, he is not. I saw him on TV yesterday.
Indian poor dad: Oh, actually, I asked him for a new wife. Maybe he is wearing AirPods.
Kid: You are my Santa, daddy.
Indian poor dad: Pull down your pants, son.
Kid: It's not an Apple product.
Indian poor dad: It's a banana.
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet, and the wife said, "You know, we've been good about our diet. Let's have a cheat night tonight." The wife came home with KFC and Wendy's. The husband came home with Sylvia from the office.