My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.
So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
his wife shut off the internet
my wife told me to give give her 8 inches so i had to have sex with her 4 times and punch her in the nose
My wife is a optimist our first night together she handed me a magnum xl condom. I didn’t know what to do so I made her a balloon animal 🎈 🦒
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back
Why did Stephen Hawkins wife leave him...she was sick of buying triple A battery's
The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)
how did stephen hwaking died his wife needed to charge her iphone
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse but I beat her to it
Once, there was a couple about to have sex. "I have something to confess," said the shy wife. The husband then said, "Whatever it is, I will still love." The wife then said "Honey, I flat chested. The husband said, "It's okay, I'm a baby down there anyways." He then pulled down his pants and began to have sex. The next day, the wife said "I thought you were a baby down there." The husband then said "I am; 22 inches and 7 pounds."...
There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.
"guess what my wife left in the freezer"
"her miscarriage"
Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."
Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."
Wife: "No, you're not."
I like my bread how I like my wife: cold and stiff
Riddle: A man killed his wife in his car with a knife in his car and know one could see him. He threw the body out the car and thew the knife off a cliff. When he got home, the cops called the man and told him his wife is dead and to come to the sene of the crime. The man agreed and rushed to the scene. When he got there, the cops amediently arrested him. Why? ANSWER: The cops never said qhere the sene of the crime is.
Kid -dad I want santa to give me iphone Indian poor dad- son santa is deaf Kid-no he is not I saw him on Tv yesterday Indian poor dad-oh actually I asked him to for a new wife may be he is wearing AirPods Kid-you are my santa daddy Indian poor dad- pull down you pants son Kid-it's not apple product Indian poor dad -its banana
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet and the wife said yaknow weve been good about our diet lets have a cheat night tonight. The wife came home with kfc and wendys. the husband came home with sylvia from the office.
The doctor says "your wife is PREGNENT" the man says that he used a condom and the doctor says "ya but I didn't
There was a dude. He had a mondo dong. His wife was like, yo, where are your balls? The dude says he left them in the fridge. His wife replies "i knew those meatballs tasted weird!"
