Why did the tall building fall?
It was September 11th.
Stephen only died because his wife tripped over the power cord.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked at me surprised.
(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)
At my sample place, I handed my wife a fork and I lost my job.
My wife went to make a cake. The recipe said, "Separate two eggs," so she put one egg in the living room.
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So one time, poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So, one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
What do windows have in common with my wife's legs? They're easy to open.
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.
They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system.
He agrees and the doctors turn the dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby and the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.
My best friend ran away with my wife. I really miss him.
It was an emotional wedding even the cake was in tiers{if I explain it it will ruin the joke}
Why does this stingray's wife can't stop babbling?
'Cause she can't watch her mouth.
My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.
So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
His wife shut off the internet.
My wife told me to give her 8 inches, so I had to have sex with her 4 times and punch her in the nose.
My wife is an optimist. Our first night together, she handed me a Magnum XL condom. I didn’t know what to do, so I made her a balloon animal 🎈🦒.
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back.
Why did Stephen Hawking's wife leave him? She was sick of buying triple A batteries.
The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)
