Wife jokes
Wife: I want to deep throat your dick.
Husband: let’s do this.
Wife: April foogjhmgkjgyukgyukfygkutkutkygfku5t!
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Hit your wife harder.
My wife was going to have an abortion and I have cancer.
Ha Ha Ha
I thought it was funny.
There was this man, and he forgot about his wife's birthday. She was very upset and said that her present should come as fast as 1-200 by tomorrow. When she woke up, she saw a present in the bathroom. It was a scale.
Stephen Hawking and his wife Siri’s favorite place to eat is Meals on Wheels!
What do you call Stephen Hawking's wife? Siri.
How many wives does Santa have?
Ho Ho Ho!
What's Stephen Hawking's wife called? Wendy.
A man was having a dream. He dreamt about a mystical creature that was commonly known as the god of toast.
When the man woke up, he turned to tell his wife about the dream. When he delivers the "toast god" punchline, his wife shrugged as she faced the opposite direction to the man.
The man turned around also and started sobbing as he realised his marriage is in shambles.
Who do you call in times of a marriage crisis?
A prostitute, because your wife fucking sucks.
My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.
What's the best part of being a pedophile? You will never have a wife.
A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy. "What's going on here!?" he exclaims.
The wife replies, "See, I told you he was stupid."
you.
I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.
Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:
Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"
Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"
Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?
A widow.