When jokes

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."

Why do dwarfs laugh when they run a race? Because the grass tickles their balls.

What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."

when is it normal to freeze before being raped?

when a policeman rapes you.

What did God say when he made the Black human? Oh no, I burnt another one!

When is it bedtime in the Jacksons' house?

When the big hand 🖐 meets the little 🤚.

A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.

One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."

The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"

The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."

So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.

"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."

The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"

The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."

The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"

When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.

But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)

When you tell your Roblox girlfriend you’re breaking up with her, and then 10 seconds later you hear your uncle crying in the other room.

Dark humor is like cancer, it's even funnier when children get it.

When you go over a speed bump, but you remember that there are no speed bumps in the school zone.

Why are washers better than babies?

Washers don't cry when you put a load in them.

What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?

There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.

Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down you can't see it.

Guy: I don't, I see your mom.

What do girls and noodles have in common?

They both wiggle when you eat them.

When the school shooter knocks on the classroom door, and the autistic kid opens it.

I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents always told me when I was little that the sky was the limit.

Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.

Yo mama is so ugly, when she goes to the photographer, he shoots himself.