When jokes
Yo mama so fat that when she sits down, global warming starts.
You're so fat that when you go on a walk with your friends, it looks like they are orbiting you.
You're so ugly that when One Direction saw you, they went the OTHER direction!
When is rape normal?
When it's called an unplanned pregnancy.
A girl invites her friends to come to her birthday party, and at the party, one of her friends poops their pants.
When Sally finds out, she yells, “I never should have invited you to my party! You are a party pooper!”
I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.
There were two snakes slithering along when one snake said to the other snake, "Are we poisonous?" "Idk why?" The other snake responded, "'Cause I just bit my tongue!"
What happens when you throw an underage boy between two Catholic priests?
They fight and... You know the rest.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a Twinkie?
Nothing. They both squirt their white stuff when you eat it.
A hunter shot holes into his favorite book.
When confronted, he said it was the "holey" Bible!
So Fred accidentally cut off John's ear with his spade.
John and Fred were digging a ditch when Fred made a careless swipe with his spade and cut off John's ear.
"Help me find it in all this mud," said John. "If we find it, they can sew it back on."
After a couple of minutes, Fred triumphantly shouted, "Here it is," handing the ear to John.
"That's not it," said John, throwing the ear back into the muddy ditch. "Mine had a pencil behind it!"
What are the subtitles when a disabled person speaks in a movie?
nsjajahdahwggwdgdvtwqfdvgcqgvhheydgdygsydgdfydwfwdgsqgsgyd
When I hotline bling, I only need one thing.
pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.
passengers: *start freaking out*
pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.
passengers: *sigh with relief*
pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and then you remember there are no speed bumps.
Why does no one like Hitler when he goes to the movies?
Because he would count, "zehn, neun", and then it would all turn green.
Yo mama so fat when she asked for a bathtub, they put a blanket over an ocean!
Do you want to know my motto when I’m bored?
Punch an orphan, who is he going to tell, his mom?
What do you get when King Kong steps on Batman and Robin?
Flatman and Ribbon.