When jokes

Little Johnny was told by his friend that if you go to your parents and say: "I know the truth," they give you money.

So Little Johnny says to his mum, "I know the truth," so his mum hands him 20 dollars and tells him not to tell anyone. So when Little Johnny’s dad gets home, Little Johnny says, "I know the truth." His dad hands him $50 and says not to tell anyone. So Little Johnny tries it on the postman and says, "I know the truth," and the postman says, "Come here, son."

Hello! I'm Taylor, and this is my life story with me and my ex girl. So when I was little, I met this girl. Her name was Leah. We were besties for a while until I turned 13. Then I asked if she wanted to date me. She said yes!

But one day, in the middle of school, she was talking to another man!!!!!!! AND THEY HUGGED AND KISSED EACH OTHER ON THE CHEEK!!!!!! Then, she told me she hated me. I was so upset!!!!!!!! Whatever you do, don't follow the ugly rat!!!!!!!!! <3

I was listening to my children praying, and my youngest that can speak said to me: "Mama, why is Gramma dead?"

I smiled and told her, "Well, less than 10 years ago when I was 5, your age, my Momma took me into the basement with some hot rando during a party. And 9 months later Shinana was born. One Pedo after another and your 4 siblings were born. The Pedo I met last night told me, 'If your mother's the one making you do this, do what you do best.' I listened and the next day she didn't leave her bed breathing. When the Pedo found out he left me and your soon to be brother."

She replies with, "Make his child support expensive!" Now he has to pay me 2,000 U.S. dollars every month, like the other ones that ran away.

A 90 year old man takes a Viagra.

Strips off naked, lies down in an alley way. Three chicks walk on by: a blond, a brunette, and a red head.

The red head said, "I'm not letting that go to waste," so she strips off and rides him. When she's finished,

The brunette then strips off naked and rides him. The blond's now worried because she just got her period. The red head sez, "He's dead. Don't let it go to waste," so she strips off naked and rides him. Then he wakes up. He then says, "Wow, two jump starts and a blood transfusion. I'm good to go!"

What's the difference between a pool and a toddler?

One doesn't scream when you go in dry ;)

How long does it take a baby to cook in the microwave?

I don't know. I close my eyes when I masturbate.

RIP K.

When they have a party, they're racist. When they hang out with Ys, they're mean.

What did the explorer say when he got tired?

I'm gonna take a map.

What do you get when you kill a brown chicken and brown cow?

Dead chicken and dead cow.

Penis when sussy; bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bud buh dum boo dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum bfrhgtjkg buygubukbjkuhkbjub. AMOGUS (sus).

I hate it when people think I'm a boy because of my short hair. I mean, what did you expect? I'm gay, of course, I have short hair.

What do you get when you put a clown, a peodophile, a gay wet person?

Answer: YOUR DAD

When I was on the Titanic, I got broken.

Superman was flying one day when he saw Wonder Woman laying by the pool completely naked. He thought, "I can fuck her so fast she wouldn't even know what happened." So he then flew down to the pool and did fuck her.

Wonder Woman stood up and said, "What was that?" The Invisible Man said, "I don't know, but my asshole stinks!"

What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

I cry when I chop an onion.

I'm happy that I named my dog "I Know What You Did." It's funny to see how much people get scared when I call him.

Why do you go to the bank?

To get money.

When do you run from the bank?

When the cops come.

My mom loved taking pics of me when I was a child. Thanks to that, people really believe my fake smiles! :3

So when my parents say no to "isms," I say, "Can I be homophobic?"

Yo mama sooooooo fucking fat, when she takes a step, she needs a 5-min break.