When jokes
What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds.
When the school shooter throws a smoke bomb into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a dance party.
Why should you wrap your hamsters in duct tape?
So they don't explode when you f*** them.
So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.
A NASA scientist is sitting in a bar when a Martian walks in and orders a martini.
The NASA scientist quickly realizes he is dreaming and wakes up. He turns to his wife and tries to explain the dream, but she rolls over and ignores him because she is tired of listening to him.
The NASA scientist begins to sob because his marriage is in shambles. lmao.
Weed: *gets hit by his own power*
Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?
Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?
I always loved going to Bill Cosby's house; he always greeted me when I woke up with "Rapey-rapey, eggs and bakey."
What do you get when an American talks to an Aussie and a Kiwi?
Two Aussie.
Why was going through JFK's head when he was getting assassinated? A bullet.
What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?
Chelsea Clinton.
Yo mama so ugly when her parents had a gender reveal party the balloon came out green.
When an African has a twin, your me??
I wrote a few jokes:
What does a 15-year-old boy do without two hands when his parents are not at home? Well, obviously do not jerk off.
Yesterday a girl from my job invited me to her home and there I had crazy sex. I could not think that her mother is so hot.
What will happen the morning after the destruction of humanity? Duncan MacLeod makes himself breakfast.
What do you get when you put 2 nuns and a blond on a football field? 2 tight ends and a wide receiver.
When people are ready to die for their country:
Trust the Unionist Party.
Better than Reform.
What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison? I feel like a kid again.
When Peter Pan jumped off the Twin Towers, what happened? He Neverland.
Yo mama so fat, when she made a joke, only one person laughed at it: the pavement. It was absolutely cracking up!
When I'm bored, I like to slap orphans. I mean, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."