When jokes

When I was a little boy, I had this dream. I was eating a giant marshmallow.

When I woke, I was being sexually abused.

I wasn't close to my dad when he died.

Which was good. He died during 9/11.

Yo mama's so fat, when she goes camping, the bears hide their food.

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? She gagged!

Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses when I have sex.

So I don’t get pepper sprayed.

What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter's dinner party?

“Nice spread!”

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.

When the school shooter finally leaves your classroom, but then the autistic kid next to you's sketchers light up.

When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."

When I was in middle school, I was kidnapped by a terrorist organization.

Al-gebra.

Yo life got no meaning, just like your dad when he left. Like if it's a good one.

When we told Twin Towers to put on airplane mode, we didn't mean a real airplane.

What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?

"I'm totally dogging it today..."

What happens when you fail to be an emo? You don't make the cut.

You're so fat, when you jumped, the whole planet wiggled.

A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.

The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."

The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."

When the police saw your hairline, they gave your barber a breathalyzer test.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal; its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

Yo mama so ugly when she looked in the mirror, her reflection threw up and ran away.

Yo mama is so fat, she couldn't even fit through the rabbit hole at first because she ate like a damn pig last night when we had dinner.