When jokes
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
Why do dwarfs laugh when they run?
The grass tickles their balls.
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me when he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
What does a wizard say when doing drugs? Injecto Patronum!
When you send her a dick pic, but then she sends you one right back...
Memes
You're like a cloud. When you go away, it's a beautiful day.
Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!"
Genie: "Wish granted!"
When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.
What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).
Heterosexual sodomy is like religion. If you were forced to accept it when you were younger, you probably would not like it when you become an adult.
Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a female. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.
When you're fighting with the emo kid and he brings his friends. Now you gotta fight the suicide squad.
Q. What's long, hard, and scary when you first see it?
A. Calculus homework.
What's a similarity between your best friend and a tree?
They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.
Wanna hear somethin' ironic?
When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can't stop cutting.
Yo mamma so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he was just asking her to get out the way.
My life.
Tell me when you get it.
They told me I could never be an actor.
No one suspected me when they went missing the next day.
what is it called when an illegal immigrant is getting raped?
alien vs predator
What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
The fridge don't fart when you take your meat out.