When jokes

Yo mama so fat that when she went to KFC, she asked for the bucket on the roof.

A Texan and an Alaskan walk in a room. The Alaskan says, "My state is bigger than yours." The Texan says, "It won't be when it melts!"

What do orphans do when they get a phone? They press the home button.

What's the difference between a baby and a pizza?

One does not crow when you put it in an oven.

When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."

What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.

When a cat gets a sibling, do they say, "Oh, shit! Another mew kid?!?!?!"

What do pedophiles do when they wake up?

Turn on the child safety lock on the car.

I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.

What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette?

Your camera.

What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?

I cried when I cut up the onions.

Has anyone else ever been jealous when their laptop dies?

POV: When the orphan kid goes to church and they have to swear on something.

The kid: "I swear on my... friends. Oh wait, I don't have any."

Bully: Shut up.

Me: I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up.

Yo mama's so fat, when she sat down there was a big earthquake.

A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"

The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."

Yo mama so dumb, when the doctor told her she had coronavirus, she bought a new laptop.

What did the skeleton say when the other skeleton lied to him?

"You can't lie to me! I can see right through you!"

Yo mama so fat, when Santa Claus went down the chimney, he said, "Ho, ho, hooooly sh*t!"

When did I wake up?

At the quack of dawn!