When jokes

Why don't wheelchairs have pedals, so when their arms get tired, they can keep going with their feet?

Superman and Flash were in the living room pounding back a few beers. Flash says to Superman, "I bet you can fly into Wonder Woman's bedroom and get the best pussy of your life." So he does it. When he goes back to Flash, Superman says, "Man, that was great, but my ass kinda burns."

What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette?

Your camera.

I know how to cut down on Medicare expenses.

Lock Alzheimer's patients in dog cages when they misbehave.

A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"

The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."

Yo mama so dumb, when the doctor told her she had coronavirus, she bought a new laptop.

What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?

I cried when I cut up the onions.

POV: When the orphan kid goes to church and they have to swear on something.

The kid: "I swear on my... friends. Oh wait, I don't have any."

My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."

My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.

I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.

Why is it inappropriate when guys say their girlfriends are their “Partners in Crime”?

Like we get it, bro, she’s underage.

Bully: Shut up.

Me: I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up.

Yo mama's so fat, when she sat down there was a big earthquake.

My cousin’s friend spelled “racist” wrong and when my cousin showed me, the first thing I said to my cousin’s friend is “Go to Grammarly. They REALLY teach you spelling.”

Yo momma is so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices.

Bully: Ur momma so fat that the whales said we are family even though you are a little bigger than us.

Nerd: Yo momma so ugly that when she went in the bathtub, the water jumped out.

Silence...................punch!

Orphans are so unwanted that when One Direction saw one, it went the other direction.

Why are orphans so successful?

When they were told to go big or go home, they only had one option.

What’s the difference between a microwave and a 10 year old girl?

The microwave doesn’t fart out blood and diarrhea when you pull your meat out.