When jokes

Why do guys hold their ball sack when they run?

Because they don't have titties.

Question: What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?

Answer: Damn!

I love fire. My friends love it too. When I set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.

When you tell the men in the suits you can see that the demons of your sins are watching you...

But they know you're blind.

What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?

A sourpuss.

Why was the orphan so successful?

Because when he was told "go big or go home," he only had one option.

What did Hitler say when he was blindfolded?

I can Nazi!

So when my parents say no to "isms," I say, "Can I be homophobic?"

I thought today was going to be a good day when I woke up this morning. But then I got to the store and they said they were out of rope.

What does NASA say when they don’t want to go in space: Never Access Space Again.

What do you call it when Panera Bread gets painted red?

Panera Red.

Me: Want to hear a joke?

Friend: Sure.

Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.

Friend: What's funny about that?

Me: Because the next day they disowned me.

What's hot and hard?

Me when I look at children.

A fish was swimming around in a pond when he noticed a fly flying around about six inches above the water. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, I could have myself a nice meal."

There was a bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, that fish will come up for that fly, and I can catch that fish and have myself a nice meal."

There was a hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will go for the fish, and I can shoot the bear and have myself a nice meal."

There was a mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich and I can have myself a nice meal."

There was a cat in a tree watching the mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich, the mouse will go for the sandwich, and I can catch that mouse and have myself a nice meal."

Then it all happened.

The fly dropped six inches.

The fish came up and caught the fly.

The bear came out and caught the fish.

The hunter got up to shoot the bear and dropped his sandwich.

The mouse went for the sandwich.

The cat jumped from the tree, missed, and landed in the pond.

The lesson that can be learned here is that every time a fly drops six inches, a pussy gets wet.

My mom loved taking pics of me when I was a child. Thanks to that, people really believe my fake smiles! :3

When you ask your brother where his hairline is, and he points where it's supposed to be, and you say, "I don't see one there."

When you look in the mirror, the mirror cracks.

What did a terrorist say when New York didn't want his food?

"Here Comes The Airplane!"

When the Mexican wanted to go shopping,

he went to Ja-mall.

If possible, I refrain from brunching celebrities. My path is smooth. The table receives the branching.

When I arrived at my friend's house and, after a long time, I was given permission to pick from the branches and graze the dog, I agreed. Then the work begins. "No, no money," I replied, "that's why I'm a burden to the world that hurts me."

And when I told them, they told me and said they were there. If I had a job, I would be fired on the first day for bad behavior. The best solution is to avoid this situation.