When jokes
A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden Bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn, comes in to take a piss. The man can't help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised at how well endowed he is, and he asks: "Bubba, what's your secret?"
Bubba replies: "Well, every night before I get in bed with a woman I whack my dick on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"
The man was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night, before he went to bed with his wife. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says "Bubba, is that you?"
Johnny Depp to a 15-year-old girl: "Wow, look at that sexy body! Savvy!"
Michael Jackson, when talking about a 6-year-old boy: "The boy is mine! That doggone boy is mine! Don't waste your time...."
Donald Trump, Bill Clinton, and Jeffrey Epstein entering and exclaiming, "Wow, this place is more fun than the Playboy Mansion!"
My mom said the happier a person is when sick, the sooner they get better.
So I went to the hospital, hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.
My life.
Tell me when you get it.
What happens when a guy is in a pool with a deck and no one is around? The guy has to pee, get up on the deck, and stick it between the bars and pee.
Dear Gwen,
Gwen, when I said sorry, I meant that as a sarcastic "why" and point of view!
TBH, you make me sick as a dog! Also, you're so annoying; stop holding that anger in. BTW, I AM A SPECIAL CHILD!
BTW, I am 6 years old BTW!
Please comment good or not! Irdc!
What do you call it when a guy named Fred enters Panera Bread?
Panera Fred.
When there's no piñata at the party, but the emo kid just hung himself.
When someone says "Did I ask?" say "Then why did you respond?"
You know what really gets me under my skin when I'm down? Sharpener blades.
When I was 11, my mom came home from the bar super drunk that night, and I just wanted to know if they knew where the cat was because I heard a noise. We had a loooooooong talk the next morning.
What do you call it when an orphan takes a family photo? A selfie.
When you were late to school and your teacher called you tardy, she meant that in more ways than one.
What is it called when you have four white people in the car?
Clear windows.
What does the cent say when it says hello? It waves.
What’s it called when an orphan takes a selfie?
A family photo.
What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing.
As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks, "What’s the purpose of your visit?"... "I’m going to shoot a pilot" is never a good answer.
When the bully says, "You're adopted," so you hit him with, "At least someone wanted me!"
What did Allah say when he created the universe?
-Allahu akbar!!!