When jokes
Do you guys know why women have small feet? It's because God created them to stand closer to the sink when they wash dishes.
Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jill could lick Jack's candystick, but Jill got a surprise when she saw her boyfriend Rik. He got so angry Jack has no candystick no more. Jill went home with a black eye, and Rik got arrested for cutting Jack's candystick.
I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.
Two men were on a hike through a forest when one of the hikers got bit on his ass by a snake.
The other hiker ran to the village 2 miles away and explained to a doctor there what had happened. The doctor told him to cut a cross with a knife where he had been bitten and suck out the venom, so he ran back to the first hiker who asked him, "Have you got the cure?"
Hiker number two just said, "Nah mate, you're dead."
What did the brother cell say when the sister cell stepped on his foot? Ow, mitosis! (my toe, sis)
There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!
Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.
69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120
58008 (flip calculator)
Boobless.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a Mexican?
I don't know, but man can it pick lettuce.
Leo is like a cloud... when she disappears, it's a beautiful day.
What did the rapper say when their computer crashed?
"Looks like I just dropped a HARD DRIVE!"
My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(
Have you ever wondered why you never see a gay guy in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to become a vegetable when you’re already a fruit.
Yo mama so fat that when she gets in the truck, it breaks.
"When I heard that not arguing or fighting in a relationship represents a lack of interest, that's when my girlfriend started missing her makeup box."
What stresses a baby strawberry out?
When its mom is in a jam.
Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?
When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
What did the tree say when spring finally arrived?
"What a re-leaf."
Yo mama's so stupid, when they said it was chilly outside, she grabbed a bowl.
Yo mama's so old, she knew Burger King when he was a prince.