When jokes
A German soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, "What happened?" and the soldier replies, "Hail hit her."
A good dog name is Syndrome. That way when it tries attacking, you can yell, "Down, Syndrome!"
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.
What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!
How do you know when a football player has been to jail?
When he goes in a tight end and comes out a wide receiver.
Memes
I canât hang out with an emo when they are sad? Why? Because it cuts deeply.
What did the Mexican man say when his house fell on him?
"Get off me homes."
When China built the Great Wall, the Mongols invaded them and founded the Yuan dynasty. With Trump building his wall, will the Mexicans invade the US and found the Juan dynasty?
Why do they bury Germans 20 feet down when they die, instead of the usual 6 feet? Because deep down, Germans are ok.
My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.
Today, I dreamt about giving head to Johnny Depp.
Then I woke up and realized that I forgot to roll my windows up when passing through the New Jersey Turnpike.
I think Paul Walker and 9/11 jokes are great, but when I tell them to others, they tend to crash and burn.
When the school shooter finds you and you think youâre gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.
I hate it when disabled people get bullied...
... because they can't stand up for themselves.
My friend told me to "hang on" when I told him I wanted to kill myself.
Buddy, Iâll be hanging for sure, just you wait.
When youâre playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say, âThis boy always had a fat ass.â
What sound does a 747 make when it bounces?
Boeing boeing boeing.
I canât watch anime anymore when my friendâs grandpa is in the house.
He hasnât heard a Japanese person scream since the war.
What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."