When jokes

I don't ever really bother women, but when I do, I usually just want to talk. I guess since I just so happened to be a straight male that's not a 10 or a 5, I get shutdown so fast. I put out lit candles...like damn, I thought I hid my ring.

Charizarding.

When you light a girl's pubes on fire, put it out with your jizz, then flap your arms and say, "You don't have enough badges to train me!"

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "I gagged."

What happened when the 400+ women ate a slice of cake?

She died the next weekend.

One time, little Johnny was watching TikTok, and he saw a toy that he wanted so badly, so he cleaned up the whole house and did his homework. When he was done, he saw a spill on the table. He went to the sink to grab a cloth, but when he came back, it was gone. He went to his mom's room and saw a drink with the label "daddy's drink," so he drunk it and said, "It's daddy's; he won't mind," and all day he was like the Flash. So he went back, turned the bottle around, and it said "Speedy," and then he said, "Oh, great heavens!"

Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals. They are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit. They go in and the first man comes out with a peach. He is instructed to shove it in his ass, and if he laughs, he will be killed. He tries and dies.

The second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same. When the two meet at the pearly gates, the first man says, "I had a peach. They're fuzzy. You had a grape. What's your excuse?"

"Well, I was doing fine until I saw Jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple."

Cats are like onions; when I cut them, I cry.

Why didn't Donald Trump pick up his phone when Jeffrey Epstein called him?

Because Donald killed Jeffrey Epstein in prison to hide the evidence.

When you want to commit suicide, just say "Allahu Akbar," there will definitely be a blast.

What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.

My "overweight" friend and I were talking at lunch.

Overweight friend: Man, why you so ugly, dude?

Me: *annoyed* Jason, when you stepped on the scale this morning, it asked for your weight, not your phone number.

The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.

Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?

A: The 9/11 victims. They went through 20 stories in seconds.

What does a skeleton say when it has a lot of stuff?

"I have a skele-TON of stuff to do."

Me and my mom order Chinese food. So when it came, my mom grabbed the egg roll and started to suck it down. Then I ask my mom what are you doing. Then my mom says, "I love you for 5 dollar."

Why don't wheelchairs have pedals, so when their arms get tired, they can keep going with their feet?

When you're mean to the quiet kid in your class and he kills everyone, good times.

What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

Dam.

When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."

Yo mama is so fat that when she put on a yellow dress, people called her "taxi."