When jokes
When the husband said "Is your ass so big?" she said "Because I am holding my shit."
What’s the difference between a police man and a bullet?
At least when a bullet kills someone, it’s actually fired.
Yo mom is so fat that when she stands on a scale, she broke it, lol.
I was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled, "Do you know CPR?"
I replied, "I know the entire alphabet!" We all laughed and laughed, well, except one person.
Yo mama so fat, when she play a game, everybody lags.
When you've crashed into a car, but it wasn't just any car...it was John Wicks car.
Someone went to fly and thought of pizza.
What appears over Ash’s head when he gets an idea?
A LightBulbasaur.
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
"I wanna sock in the eye so bad!"
I hate when people make 9/11 jokes, I'm just blown away.
Your hairline goes back further than when my gran died, and she was buried 6 foot under.
If you are a bully at a school, when you get home, find an orphan and beat them up!
What are they going to do? Tell the orphan lady to tell you to stop? 😆😝
Ya make 10 paintings, you aren't an artist.
Ya make 20 meals, you aren't a chef.
But when I kill ONE PERSON, I'm a "horrible person" and a "menace to society."
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing someone's cast.
I bet emo girls get jealous when people cut paper.
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.
After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.
“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.
The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”
Your hairline is so back when the police saw it, they had to arrest you.
My girlfriend sent “a let’s break up text” right when I was done editing our pics.
Why did the orphan not call 911 when he saw a tower catch fire?
'Cause he did not want any kids to go through the same pain.
You are so ugly, when you looked in the mirror your reflection walked away.
My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.
Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.