When jokes
When the cow goes, "moo," and sheep say, "baaa," and the bull says, "boo!"
Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?
I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.
What do Emos say when they trick-or-treat?
"Boo-hoo!"
What do crows use when they get a phone?
A "CAWing" card!
I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.
What did PETA say when a cheetah won 5 million dollars?
You can't beat a cheetah!
A salesman rings the doorbell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”
Hi Alex, it's 2:00 Easter time. Freshfry is a scaredy-cat. He left when you left, lol.
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
What did mum say when grandpa called?
Boomerang.
Why did the midget laugh when he ran? Because the grass tickles his balls.
When I wear all black, I'm not emo. I'm a rainbow, 'cause I'm wearing all the colors. #Science
Yo ass so fat that you can't see your toes.
When you go to the movies, you take up seven rows.
Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. You don't.
You have a father figure.
Credit to my boy tippecanoe3 for this joke.
What do you call it when Panera isn’t hungry?
Panera fed.
Credit to RogueRobot for this one:
What does Panera sleep in?
Panera bed.
When your friends [are] talking about sports:
Jake says, "It was 17.56M people watching [the] basketball championship."🦁
Sam says, "It was 113M people watching the Super Bowl." 😯🐱
Avion says, "It was up from 1.12 billion people watching [the] World Cup." 😶🙀
Yo mama so fat, when she went to bed, the house shook.
What do you get when you cross a deer and a pickle?
A dildo.
I don't like it when people make 9/11 jokes. My dad was in it.
He was the best damn pilot in Saudi Arabia.