When jokes

Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.

When I have a staring contest, I always win.

Every day, I see blind people who hate me.

Yo mama's so fat, when she goes camping, the bears hide their food.

Yo mama's so stupid, when thieves broke into her house and stole the TV, she chased after them shouting, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"

Yo mama's so stupid, when I said, "Drinks on the house," she got a ladder.

Yo mama's so ugly, when she was little, she had to trick-or-treat by phone.

Q: How do you know it's time for bed at the Neverland Ranch? A: When the big hand touches the little hand.

What's the difference between a homo and a refrigerator?

A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out.

So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.

My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.

Why do orphans love Oreos?

Because when they have a family pack, they can eat it all!

You know they're lying when they say, "My mom's picking me up."

Why was the orphan so successful?

When they told him, "Go big or go home," he/she only had one option.

Your momma is so fat, when she chose a yellow shirt when she was on a run, the kids ran after her because they thought they missed the bus.

I ask the emo girl if she gets jealous when her phone dies.

When someone says: "You're a mistake."

Say: "The only mistake I see is right in front of me."

A lot of things changed when I got my girlfriend pregnant: my name, my address, and my phone number.

Do you know what a reverse exorcism is?

It's when the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.

My sister told me she liked Medusa.

I said, "Huh?"

My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy's facial expression, and when they look down, they do nothing but stay still.

I have 206 bones. When I look at you, I have 207.