When jokes
What did the pig say when he was in the sun?
I'm bacon.
There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.
When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.
She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"
54 students died that day.
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?
When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
Yo mama so short that when she plays mini golf, it's just called golf.
Where did Sally go when she went in the minefield?
Everywhere.
Which legendary Dutch wanderer slept for twenty years, except when he got up to pee?
Rip Van Tinkle.
Do chiropractors have to pay back taxes?
Only when they file jointly.
What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?
The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.
What did the melon say to the avocado when he proposed?
Can't elope.
"Don't sneeze!"
Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.
Also,
"It dangles and swung!"
Language art quizzes are the best.
Why do they put barcodes on the ships in Norway?
Why?
So when they come into port, they can Scan-de-navian.
Yo momma's so hairy that when the baby came out, it got rug burn.
What did the skeleton play when he joined the band?
A tromBONE.
What did the stop sign say to the street sign when he couldn't read a map?
"Can you give me some pointers?"
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor!"
Joe mama so fat, when she did the IShowSpeed dance, she fell five floors down.
Nana when Zane kisses her in her mind: [Insert Chiwawa Scream!]
Your mum is so fat, when she roleplayed Wonder Woman, she couldn't fit in the invisible jet.
What does William say when he hurts his toe?
"I wanna scream and shout and let it all out."
Why is it that when in PE, it's fine for someone to say "boys against girls", but in public when I say "blacks against whites" or "boys against girls" I'm the bad guy?