When jokes
What is it called when an orphan takes a selfie?
A family photo.
What do you do when an orphan is taking a photo?
Yell "FAMILY PICTURES!"
What happened to the leper when he accidentally walked into the screen door?
He strained himself.
What did the bee say to the flower?
"Hey bud! When do you open?"
Your mamma is so fat that she saved me a lot of money by sitting in my car when I wanted to buy a low rider.
What did the pig say when he was in the sun?
I'm bacon.
When someone says "Did I ask?" say "Then why did you respond?"
What's a crazy man's favorite phrase when he has a knife?
"Freak out!"
What happens when animals do a squat?
It doesn't become pretty...
What does the chicken say when he didn't understand something?
"What hap-HENd?"
What do you say to your pony when it's being wild?
Stop horsing around!
What did the bull say when got hit in the special area? "Damn my bulls!" Ahahaha
What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?
You cook spaghetti with his blood!
The patient said, "When will this be over?"
The doctor said, "After you die."
The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"
The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."
The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"
What's the difference between a pizza and a guy you really hate?
One won't scream when you remove their meat.
"Don't sneeze!"
Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.
Also,
"It dangles and swung!"
Language art quizzes are the best.
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?
When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
At what point does a joke become a dad joke?
When it disappears and never returns home.
How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?
The weird moaning sounds when you try to slide in the back door.
Followed by slipping in Kentucky (KY) Jelly.
Followed by landing in deep shit.
Followed by being totally covered in sea men.
The farmers were playing chess, and the winner shouted and said: "I killed your horse!"
The second quickly left, and when he returned he said: "We have poisoned all your cows!"