When jokes
I can't stand up when I laugh hard; neither can they.
What happens to emo kids when they go up?
They never come down.
When I saw your face, it instantly made me throw up.
When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.
What happens when an orphan is told that someone had found their parents?
They cry...
They scream... with joy.
"Oh wait, no, that wasn't your parents."
Orphan grabs a knife out of the kitchen, lets just say, the orphan didn't live to tell the tail...
When you ask your friend, "Can I hear a joke?"
"Sure."
"What do orphans and orange peels have the same?"
"What?"
"They both get thrown out."
Please don't get mad, it's a joke.
What's the difference between a bullet and a police officer? At least when a bullet kills someone, it's fired.
What does a baby and a grenade have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
OK, OK, what's up with the fake Gwens? I am going to use a test to see who is real or not.
The real Gwen will know this. When did I come onto this website? Next question, what is my real name, and do I go on cursing rampages? Only the real Gwen can complete this test with the right answers.
When they walk in and you're fucking... everyone at the morgue.
What do you call California when it’s having a wildfire? Completely normal.
Meat stands for: M - monitoring, E - evaluating, A - assessing/addressing, T - treatment.
So when you're shoving meat up people's asses, then you're monitoring them, evaluating them, assessing them, and treating them.
When I found out that my toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked.
What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?
"Put it in my bill."
When you think of the word "simp," you think of a girl. "Girl" stands for ghosts in real life. Another word for simp is "ding dong." Put them together, and you get ghosts in real life with ding dongs.
My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.
What did one mouse say to the other mouse when it tried to steal the cheese?
"That's nacho cheese!"
Teacher: What do you want to be when you grow up?
That depressed kid in class: Dead.
What do you say when the toilet is clogged?
Oh shit!
Ready when you are, KK.