When jokes
I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...
Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...
I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...
When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.
When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.
She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"
54 students died that day.
Yo mama is so fat that she is not wrong when she says the world revolves around her.
It's tricky when you're both a moth and a sea captain in charge of a ship, but up ahead, you see a lighthouse.
If there's a guy without legs, he begins to hear boss music when a stack of shelves appear.
What do you do when you finish a magazine in school?
Answer: You shoot it!
What do you get when you cross a penis with a potato?
A dictator.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
Yo mama so fat, when she walked in the room, we missed three seasons of our show!
Paddy and Murphy are walking down the street when all of a sudden, Paddy falls down a manhole. Murphy shouts down, "Paddy, is it dark down there?"
Paddy shouts up, "Dunno Murphy, I crnt see a fecking thing!"
What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K? "HDMI."
Yo mama so fat that when she was on the moon, she had it sent right into the abyss of outer space.
What did the acorn say when it grew up?
Geometry.
(Geometry= "Gee, I'm a tree!")
Someone said to me when it was winter it[’]s time for you to “chill out.” I was like 👁👄👁
What do people have a shot at when it comes to love? Shooting them in the heart.
What is tall when it's young but short when it's old?
A candle or a pencil!
A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.
"What are you doing all day?"
"Knot a lot."
You know that your grades are bad when you get a 66% on a test and your grade goes up.