When jokes
What's the difference between a casino and a church?
You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.
It takes a lot of trust for two cannibals to gluck gluck each other. You never know when it's goodbye willy.
There are 206 bones in the human body.
207 when I'm at a nursery.
Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. You don't.
You have a father figure.
At what point does a joke become a dad joke?
When it disappears and never returns home.
Memes
Fr tho
When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
Why do emos suck at playing tic-tac-toe on their wrists?
Because when they win, they lose.
When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant.
Did you get seafood without me?
Q. What happens when a pedophile spills his coffee? A. It leaves an EP-stain.
What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?
A clock.
Yo mama so fat...
...people in Florida start buying flood insurance when they see her waddling toward the ocean.
I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.
How do you know when you're near Wacko Jacko's grave? When 'Thriller' is out and about.
When should you discourage your husband from exercising and dieting? When he wants to fit in your clothes!
When did Michael say, "This is it"?
2009.
How do you know when you have been invited to a gay barbecue?
When you are unable to distinguish foot-long hot dogs from long and thick big dicks, regardless of skin color.
What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.
When a baby was born to a slave, did the slave owners hang a "Bred in Captivity" sign above the crib?
When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.