When jokes
I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.
What did the Indian say when the pizza was delivered to him?
"Hey! Who puked on the frybread?"
Why do emos suck at playing tic-tac-toe on their wrists?
Because when they win, they lose.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, When life gets tough, I'll stand by you.
When does a cub become a Boy Scout?
When he eats his first brownie.
When did Michael say, "This is it"?
2009.
What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?
A clock.
Yo mama so fat...
...people in Florida start buying flood insurance when they see her waddling toward the ocean.
I don't get people who treat you like shit and cross your boundaries, then are surprised when you have depression.
It's because of them after all. 🥰✨️
What does a computer scientist do when someone tries to fight him?
He waves his arms like a space invader.
My best friend is black. It really pissed me off when my mom sold him.
When should you discourage your husband from exercising and dieting? When he wants to fit in your clothes!
What's the difference between a dead hooker and an onion?
I don't cry when I'm cutting up a dead hooker.
What do you get when you mix Viagra with spinach?
Strong to the finish.
How do you know when you're near Wacko Jacko's grave? When 'Thriller' is out and about.
What do you do when you run out of carpets? Fetch your shotgun and look for Explain Bear.
When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.
What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.
When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant.
Did you get seafood without me?
How do blind people know when to stop wiping?
With a taste test.