When jokes

What did the melon say to the avocado when he proposed?

Can't elope.

When a clock goes forward, it goes "tic-tac," but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic.

One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.

I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.

Ever heard of account stealing?

Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?

Your teeth are so yellow, when you smile, you put the sun out of business.

When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"

What site does a vegetable go to when he/she is stressed?

cornhub.com

When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."

When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:

Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?

How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?

Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.

Yo momma's so fat, when she gets an abortion, she can feed the entire country of Africa leftovers.

A hunter shot holes into his favorite book.

When confronted, he said it was the "holey" Bible!

Q: What did the late cannibal get when he got to the party?

A: A cold shoulder.

Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale the doctor asked for her weight, not her phone number.

Q: Why are orphans so successful? A: Because when they were younger, they got told, "Go big or go home," and only had one option.

What's common between the penis and a Rubik's cube?

Both get hard when we play with them.

What did the passengers of the plane say when they saw the airplane strip? Nothing, because it was not an airplane strip, but a tower.

How did the cookie 🍪 feel when he was dunked in milk?

Batter.

When your mama went to Sea World, the whales started singing, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me!"

Yo mama so fat that when she steps into an elevator, she has to go down.