When jokes

"Yo mama is so fat that when I buried her, she made the Earth round."

What do you do when you see a naked dead girl?

Check your map, you're obviously going in circles.

What did the cholo say when the house fell on him?

"Get off me, homes!"

Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?

Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"

When your uncle drops a nickel, but the only thing he really drops is his pants.

I’ve been told I’ve got a perfect cock. She sure was hard on me when I cut it off, though.

If white people turn black when they char, what happens to the black ones?

What do you get when you cross the terms homeless and abandoned?

POORphan

What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A Democrat will keep screwing you when you run out of money.

A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.

When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"

God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."

When you tell your friend he’s a simp and isn’t offended, say it stands for sucking intensely at monkeys' penises.

What do dogs do when they lose their tail?

They go to the retail store.

Why was Stephen Hawking disappointed when he got his Christmas present? It was singing lessons.

When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.

What is the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?

A refrigerator doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.

What did Trump say to Ukraine when Putin bombed them?

"It was Antifa!!!! And China!!!!"

Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.

If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.

So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).

A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”

My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?

Little Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher said, "Okay, everyone, tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet." Johnny didn't know the alphabet, so he decided to ask his family. He walked into the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mama, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV, and he says, "Tommy, what's the second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman." So he went to his grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma, what's the third letter of the alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him, he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher comes to Johnny, she says, "Johnny, what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now," Johnny says. "Who do you think you are, young man, to talk to someone like me that way?" the teacher asks. "I'm Batman," Johnny says. The teacher whups his ass, and little Johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"

Later that day, he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse, that he accidentally cussed at his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.

Hi guys, the prankster is back!

I was gone for a long time because of this bullying about a nice sweet girl named Gwen! So my 6th prank is on...

When I put some bad stuff in my sister's toothpaste bottle!

Okay, so I took some smelly mints from the jelly bean game! I had molded cheese jelly bean, molded milk, and worms jelly bean! Jelly bean tasting is this game where weird tasted jelly beans are in there, so I got some mints and put it there! Then next thing you knew was, my sassy ass sister had her breath smelling like a chimpanzee's buttock!