When jokes
What is it called when you have four white people in the car?
Clear windows.
What's common between the penis and a Rubik's cube?
Both get hard when we play with them.
Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:
"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."
When a clock goes forward, it goes "tic-tac," but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic.
Yo mama so fat that when she went to the fatty competition, they said no because they didn't want professionals.
Ever heard of account stealing?
Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?
Why do orphans do so well in life?
When people told them "Go big or go home," they only had one option.
Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?
You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-
(Destroys phone cutely)
You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.
Yo mama is so fat, when she's walking down the street, there are cracks all over the sidewalk.
Yo mama so fat that when she steps into an elevator, she has to go down.
When an orphan takes a family photo, it’s called a selfie.
I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.
Teacher says, "Okay class, today we're gonna talk about what everyone wants to be when they grow up." Little Johnny, how about you go first."
Little Jonny: "I want to be a speed bump when I grow up!"
When babies kick their mother, it's okay, but when I do it, it's a crime...
Yo mama so ugly when she played Five Nights at Freddy's, they thought that she was already in an animatronic costume.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck”.
We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.
But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.
The bell rings, and Ana was about to leave, but the teacher said, "The bell doesn't dismiss you, I do."
The next day, Ana was late, and the teacher asked, "Why are you late?" Ana replied with, "The bell doesn't tell me when I should arrive, I do."