When jokes

Yo mama so fat that when she bought food, she ran out of money.

When a person in a wheelchair says, "You've never taken a step in my shoes," and you say, "To be honest, you haven't either."

What happens to teeth when they go in water?

Bro, I dunno, they get wet?

Why did the dwarf laugh when he walked on the field?

The grass was tickling his balls.

What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.

When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”

When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.

What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?

Chelsea Clinton.

The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's Election night.

Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.

What do you call it when Panera Bread commits genocide?

Panera bloodshed.

What do you call it when someone lies to Panera Bread?

Panera misled.

What do you call it when Panera Bread decapitates someone?

Panera Behead.

Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.

Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.

When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.

Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.

Yo momma is so fat, when she fell I was not laughing, but the sidewalk cracked up.

One day, during lunch, a Spanish kid came up to my other friend and asked her questions in Spanish, and when she was about to say something, I popped out and said, “GO AWAY OR I WILL SUE YOU WITH BRIANNA’S SEVEN/7 LAWYERS!!!!(AKA, her seven/7 shoes.)”

When you realize your friend standing next to you is adopted and narrates everything he does.