When jokes

Sam's mum is so fat, when she fell down the stairs, I thought EastEnders finished!

You're so fat, when you wear a yellow raincoat, people call out, "TAXI!"

Yo mama so old, when she left the antique shop, the alarm went off.

Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?

You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-

(Destroys phone cutely)

What did the passengers of the plane say when they saw the airplane strip? Nothing, because it was not an airplane strip, but a tower.

Why was the North Tower a bad doctor when the South Tower collapsed?

Because the North Tower didn’t do CPR.

Yo mama so fat when someone asked her to touch her chin, she asked, "Which one?"

The dear God created the man.

Then he created woman.

When he then saw what he had done, he took care of tobacco and alcohol.

The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.

But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!

What's the difference between a casino and a church?

You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.

It takes a lot of trust for two cannibals to gluck gluck each other. You never know when it's goodbye willy.

Everyone becomes happy when they complete the last stage of the game.

But the cancer patients aren't.

Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.

Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. You don't.

You have a father figure.

What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.

There are 206 bones in the human body.

207 when I'm at a nursery.

One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.

I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.

Yo momma is so fat, when she fell I was not laughing, but the sidewalk cracked up.

One day, during lunch, a Spanish kid came up to my other friend and asked her questions in Spanish, and when she was about to say something, I popped out and said, “GO AWAY OR I WILL SUE YOU WITH BRIANNA’S SEVEN/7 LAWYERS!!!!(AKA, her seven/7 shoes.)”

What do you call it when a man named Ned works at Panera Bread?

Panera Ned.

I'm on a roll with my jokes, right now!