When jokes

I was at a bar. The girl said, "Sex, sex, free sex tonight," when she really said, "663629."

As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."

What does a French guy say when he falls off?

Oh no, Eiffel!

What do babies and explosives have in common?

They both make a noise when you throw them.

Yo mama so dumb that when she went to Starbucks, she thought she could buy a star.

What did they call Hitler when he swam?

Adolfin.

Yo mama is so small that when she saw the Titanic, she called it the size of the Netherlands.

Yo mama's so fat, when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND the house.

Yo mama so short that when she tried to sniff meth, she couldn’t get high.

What do you get when you die in Undertale and go to Temmie Village?

DeterMIENATION

What's the difference between Pink Floyd and George Floyd?

When Pink Floyd can't breathe, it's because all their fans are smoking pot.

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.

When you tell an Asian kid it’s raining cats and dogs and he’s like, “Just open your mouth and close your eyes!”

When your mama went to Sea World, the whales started singing, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me!"

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.

Oh wait, I'm thinking of...

Why did the orphan cry when he got back home?

Because he did not have one.

What did the Indian say when he bumped into someone else?

"Sari."

Yo mama so fat, when she sits down she dislocates Earth out of its orbit.

When the person who killed JFK heard "headshot."

Yo mama so ugly, when she went to an ugly contest, they told her, "No pros allowed."