When jokes
What's red and screams when you shake it?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
What does a skeleton say when it has a lot of stuff?
"I have a skele-TON of stuff to do."
Your mum is so fat Les Dawson would agree with me that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand, she throws it.
Q: What do you call it when four Mexicans drown in quicksand?
A: Cuatro Cinco.
What do you get when you cross breed a woman and a horse? A neigh-ga.
What did the clock say when it got punched at noon?
It’s twelve o'clock.
When Simba was walking too slow, I told him to mufasa.
I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head, people just thought I paid really close attention in history.
If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...
You know your doctor is gay when he asks you to touch your toes, and then you feel a rub on your back and a tickle on your anus.
What's the difference between you and Hitler?
Hitler knew when to kill himself.
Why did tube date electricity? Because he would light up when she touched him.
What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.
A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."
Yo mama is so fat when she sees a bus full of white people, she thinks it's a Twinkie, lmao xd.
What did one cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!
When Kim Jong-un said "nuke the Chinese", he meant put the take away in the oven. Some simple misunderstandings start a war.
Yo mama's so ugly, and her voice is so loud that The X Factor doesn't want or need her to show up to the performances when she sings.
I named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I say, “Get down, Syndrome!”
Is it just me, or when you wipe your ass too deep, it reminds you of your uncle? Just me?