When jokes
What's the difference between a pool and a toddler?
One doesn't scream when you go in dry ;)
What did the grape say when he got squished? Nothing, he just let out a little wine.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop an onion.
How many oz of water does it take to screw a light bulb?
None, also what the heck are you doing with water when people in Africa don’t have any?
Why didn't the kid cancer patients like his joke?
He said, "You'll understand when you get older!"
What happened when the dog played golf?
He hit the ball into the ruff.
When I masturbate, things cum.
When an old man does, no one cums.
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain. "Quick, let's swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!"
Yo mama so ugly that when she was born, the doctor looked at her face, then at her butt and said, "Twins!"
There were three babies in a mom's stomach. One baby asks, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The other baby answers, "A doctor. I want to help people. What about you?"
"I want to be an engineer. I want to make things. What about you?" he asks to the third baby.
"I want to be a hunter."
"Why?" the other babies ask.
"I want to kill the snake that spits on my face."
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Hit your wife harder.
When I'm sad, I cut myself...A PIECE OF CAKE!
What's the difference between a baby and a tire swing?
A tire swing doesn't die when you hang it from a tree.
There was this man, and he forgot about his wife's birthday. She was very upset and said that her present should come as fast as 1-200 by tomorrow. When she woke up, she saw a present in the bathroom. It was a scale.
A man sacrificed children who played Roblox, so when someone knocked on the door, they said, "An administrator has banned you from heaven!"
When is a car not a car?
When it's a house.
When other people tell a joke, 3/3 people laugh.
When I tell a joke, 1/3 people laugh, but 2/3 people stare into my soul.
When you try to close a Google ad because it was covering content, but it was covered by "Ad closed by Google."
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.
Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".