When jokes
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
I ate a time machine once, it was very time-consuming. Especially when I went back four seconds.
When you see a deer, what do you say?
"Oh deer!"
What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉
What did the car say when it crashed? That's wheely unfortunate!
When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."
The sad thing is when they ride the scooters in Wal-Mart... Really, you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with... And damned if they aren't buying diet soda... Please... cull this shit... We don't need them in society... KFC is not a disease.
When I get naked in the bathroom... the shower usually gets turned on!
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?
At least one does something when it is triggered.
Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded?
Everywhere.
Why did the cowboy die with his boots on??
He didn’t want to stub his toe when he kicked da bucket 😂🤣👌🏻👌🏻.. knee slapper
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.
What did the football coach say when he went to the bank?
-"I want my quarterback."
What did the cholo say when the house fell on him?
"Get off me, homes!"
What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?
When you have a gun in your hand.
- Mommy, what will I be when I'm grown up?
- Shut up, Sam, you've got cancer!
What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.
What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?
"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.
What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.