When jokes
- Mommy, what will I be when I'm grown up?
- Shut up, Sam, you've got cancer!
What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.
What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?
"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.
What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.
A man walks into a bar and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. When he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says, "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" The man decided not to take the risk. He thought the steaks were too high.
What's 6ft long, red, and my girlfriend cries when I feed it to her?
A miscarriage.
A German soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, "What happened?" and the soldier replies, "Hail hit her."
When someone pops up in your life making you all happy, you be like, "Who sent you?"
Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.
Two cannibals are eating a clown, when one cannibal looks up and asks the other cannibal: "Does he taste funny to you?"
Q: What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of Helium?
A: HeHe.
What is the difference between a whore and an onion?
You don't cry when you chop a whore.
Yo mama so stupid, when she was in court and the judge said, "Order, order," she said, "Pizza."
What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.
I hate cereal, lol.
What I say when I eat cereal: "Ewww!"
When the school shooter kills the teacher and the autistic kid declares communism
When I get naked in the shower, it gets turned on.
My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.
People are like trees...
They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.
Yo mama is so fat, when she came on this website, the whole server crashed!