When jokes
What is it called when two Mexicans play basketball?
Juan on Juan.
Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.
Yo mama so fat, when she went swimming, they found water on Mars!
You know Hitler loves you when he comes up to you on Valentine's Day and he says, "Will you be my Valenein?"
Yo momma is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number."
Bestie Hannah heard that bestie Iz had a migraine! What did she do? She said, "My grains don’t hurt that much, at least not when the animals eat them!"
Yo mama so ugly when her parents had a gender reveal party the balloon came out green.
Why do orphans not tell when they get hit?
Because who are they gonna tell, their mom?
Yo mama so fat when she jumped in the water, the whales started singing "We are a family, even though you fatter than me."
Penis when sussy; bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bud buh dum boo dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum bfrhgtjkg buygubukbjkuhkbjub. AMOGUS (sus).
What is the difference when I have my dick in your mouth or when you have yours in mine?
Oh, I forgot, you don't got one, bitches, suck my dick.
What happens when you kick a boy in the balls?
THEY NUTS ARE IN PAIN.
The school shooter when the cops show up be like:
"Ain't nothing gonna break my stride, ain't nothing gonna hold me down. Oh oh. I've got to keep on moving."
Q: Why do orphans work at Olive Garden?
A: Because when you're there, you're family.
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa did, not screaming and shouting like his passengers.
So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.
Yo mama's so fat, when she sits on a dollar, four quarters pop out.
There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.
News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and unstoppable. As each wrestler's legends grew, a match was set up between the two, America versus Russia. The match would be held in Texas.
John began training immediately. Every day his coach would tell him, “This Russian has a move called the Mongolian Death Grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian Death Grip. DO NOT let him get you in the Mongolian Death Grip.”
The day of the match finally came. Just before each wrestler stepped onto the mat in front of the capacity crowd, the coach once again said, “Whatever you do, do not let him get you in the Mongolian death grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian death grip.”
Four seconds into the match, the Russian had the American in the Mongolian death grip. The coach buried his face into his hands and cursed John for not listening to his advice. All of the sudden he heard the crowd irrupt in a chant of USA USA USA. He looked up and saw the Russian pinned by John. The coach ran out to meet John and embarrassingly told him, “I didn’t see... Once he had you in the Mongolian Death Grip I looked away. How in the world did you get out of the Mongolian death grip?”
With heavy breath, John told him, “Well coach, that Russian grabbed me and twisted my body in ways I never imagined possible. I was wincing in pain when I open my eyes and right in front of me were two testicles. So I bit them.”
“What???” Said the coach... “John I don’t think that is legal. You could be disqualified.”
“I don’t know about that coach. But I can tell you one thing. You ain’t got no idea how strong you are until you bite your own balls.”
Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.