When jokes
A man goes for a pee in a haunted house.
He unzips his pants at the urinal when a man dressed as a goblin chuckles next to him. "You got a small dick, buddy," the man says to him.
When the quiet kid has an argument with the school shooter, and you didn't get to pull out the AK.
Why did the orphan join the baseball team?
Because he knew when he got to third base he could head home.
I will stop making fun of orphans when their parents come back.
What do you get when you cross a penis with a potato?
A dictator.
I played catch with my friends, but they keep going to sleep when I throw it.
When someone calls you, say "Welcome to Joe's Pizza Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce."
When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes, I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it, "I'll get you some food once we get off."
What do you give a pig when it has a rash?
Oinkment.
Yo mama so fat, when she ate one cheeseburger, she pooped it out immediately because her butt was too big.
Hi guys, the prankster is back!
I was gone for a long time because of this bullying about a nice sweet girl named Gwen! So my 6th prank is on...
When I put some bad stuff in my sister's toothpaste bottle!
Okay, so I took some smelly mints from the jelly bean game! I had molded cheese jelly bean, molded milk, and worms jelly bean! Jelly bean tasting is this game where weird tasted jelly beans are in there, so I got some mints and put it there! Then next thing you knew was, my sassy ass sister had her breath smelling like a chimpanzee's buttock!
Fat people: Do I look beautiful when I eat a pack of chicken?
Me: Yes, you look like a bunch of boulders crashing into each other.
Fat: Dang...
Me: Shut up, Jon Brower Minnoch.
Say _______ is so flat that when someone hit them, they got a paper cut!
What do you do when you finish a magazine in school?
Answer: You shoot it!
What do you call an orphan when there 18?
Homeless.
What do you call an orphan when he's taking a photo?
Family photo.
Why were the Indians telling the others to chop off their noses when they got close to 12 inches?
Because then it would be a foot. LOL! I may have peed myself.
When you commit suicide in your house, that's suicide, but when you commit suicide outside, you failed your parkour.
Me: What did my sister do when she dressed up as Elsa and I gave her a balloon?
You: What?
Me: She let it go, let it go!
The Fast of Ramadan
In the northwestern slice of Alaska known as Seward, a horseboy stood, with broom in hand, in the vast courtyard of the royal stables of the sultan. He was waiting for dusk to fall. All day long he had eaten nothing. He had not even tasted the leftover fish tucked in his turban nor the enormous purple grapes that spilled over the palace wall into the stable yard. He had tried not to sniff the rich, amazing, warm feeling fragrance of ripening of that sweet pomegranates.
For this was the sacred month of Ramadan when, day after day, all faithful Mohammedans neither eat nor drink from the dawn before sunrise until the moment after sunset!