When jokes

Your mama is so fat, when I think of her in my head, she just broke my neck.

Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend, Sally.

They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back, Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said, "You need to be quarantined again."

"No," Sally said, "I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups, especially women, like." Then the teacher faints.

Michael Jackson gets really ill, so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there, he says, "Am I in heaven?"

The doctor replies, "Nah, sir, we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward."

What did Stephen Hawking say when trying to talk to a reporter? Beep boop beep beep boop.

When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.

Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"

Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.

Yo mama's so fat that when she went sky diving, she caused another global extinction.

What is soccer like when you lose your soccer ball?

Orphan: "My Parents."

Dam, sometimes when I look at my friend's head, I say, "Dam, that's a dam big head, Nick." Then he is like, "Dude, that's a literal dam."

What happens when Stephen Hawking wakes up from his sleep?

"Log in."

When is a cold not a cold?

Little Johnny went on a camping trip. All the tents were taken, so he shared with the teacher. So Little Johnny says: "Can I play with your bellybutton? My mom always lets me when we camp." So the teacher says: "Sure." 5 minutes later the teacher says: "Woah, woah, woah that's not my bellybutton!" Little Johnny says: "Woah, woah, woah, that's not my finger."

Yo mama is so fat that when I was printing a picture of her last year, it's still printing.

Your mama's so fat, when she asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.

I wrote down a speech at home yesterday.

When I got to school, I was speechless.

Here’s another joke my friend told me.

What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.

What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?

Predator 2.

Why didn't Donald Trump pick up his phone when Jeffrey Epstein called him?

Because Donald killed Jeffrey Epstein in prison to hide the evidence.

I got jealous when my phone died.

The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"

The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."

The circular saw would reply with, "What?"