When jokes
What's worse, being loved or hated? 'Cause when you're loved you could be left alone or be betrayed, but when you're hated no one's there to leave you. What do you think?
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
The grass tickles their balls.
What did mum say when grandpa called?
Boomerang.
When I was at work, I saw this kid crying. I said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working in an orphanage.
Why was the orphan so successful?
When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.
What do you do when you're sad? Kick an orphan!
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
One dark stormy night when I was 8 years old, I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee. Half asleep, I walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door, I felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically, and the ghostly sound stopped. Terrified, I did what I had to and went back to bed.
The next 3 nights, the same thing happened, and finally, I decided I had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up, I went into my parents' room and woke my mom up and said, "You have to come with me and see this, it's really important." Half asleep, she murmured, "Oh, what is it? Can't it wait until the morning?" I pleaded, "No, you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost. When I go in the middle of the night, I can hear a ghost sound. Then when I open the door, I feel the cold as it swoops through me, and the light comes on automatically." She yawned and said, "Oh, so that's who's been peeing in the refrigerator."
What happened when the emo kid tried to high 5 a tree?
It left him hanging.
I got my husband a fridge for his birthday. His face lit up when he opened it.
What do you call it when two Mexicans fight?
Juan on Juan.
What did the spectator miss when going to the toilet?
The entire English innings.
Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan.
The tour guide said, "That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member." Well done Lewandisney!
So I stayed at home for Halloween when I suddenly hear a knock on my door. I open and I see Penandes! I was confused and asked him why he does not wear a costume, and he said he doesn't need to.
Then I realized that he's a ghost and gave him 3 candies. Enjoy the candies Pruno!
I can't believe what just happened. I was at the bowling alley having a great time with my girlfriend when suddenly a man took all of our bowling pins! I asked him why and he said he needed more tapins to keep his career relevant. I instantly realized it was Penaldo!
What's the difference between an asshole and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
You're so white that when I turn off the lights, you're a night light.
When you tell your mom that she is bad at jokes, then she tells you, "Well, I made you!"
When your parents ask you to take out the trash, you knock out your brother, put him in a closet, and when your parents ask where he is, you say, "I took him out like you said."
That moment when you poop 😂
When your wife takes 30 minutes to get ready.
Me: Takes five minutes.
Me: Hun, you done yet?