Whats jokes
What did the cancer cell say to its neighbor?
"Mind if I join you?"
What's brown and sounds like a bell?
Dung.
What time is it when you get home and you can't walk?
What's Pee-Wee Herman's favorite Michael Jackson song?
Beat It.
What do you get when you cross a cold wind with a feather? A brrrrrrrr-d!
What do you call a bunch of white people on a bench?
The NBA.
What is the most dangerous mountain? Kilimanjaro.
Little Johnny is walking around and peaks in his parents' room, catching them having sex, so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! We’re just uh, making cake,” and they send him away.
So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother’s room, so he walks in and catches his brother and his brother’s girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! We're making cake!”
So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! How'd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.
What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?
"I'm totally dogging it today..."
I asked what LGBTQ stands for, and I couldn’t get a straight answer.
What is the difference between a hooker and a feminist?
If you want a hooker to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
Your mom is so fat, when she asked, "What gift will I get?" Abuela from Encanto said, "Definitely Taco Bell!" 🌮🔔
What pants do you wear to church? Hole-y ones.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked.
What do you call a depressed tree?
A wood cutter.
Me: Want to hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.
Friend: What's funny about that?
Me: Because the next day they disowned me.
What is the richest nut ever? A cash-ooo!
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite.
A drunk walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that douchebag a drink."
The bartender says, "You can't talk like that! This is a respectable establishment, I'm going to throw you out!"
The drunk says, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'd like to buy the lady a drink."
The bartender goes to where the woman is sitting and says, "The, ah, gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink, what will it be?"
She says, "Vinegar and water."
I was reading a book one day when I suddenly heard a sound. It was the Grim Reaper. I ignored it and continued reading my book. Suddenly, I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies.
I used to like fireworks, but I'm dead now. Fireworks look like a charm if you don't mind something a little ghostly.
What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.