Whats jokes

What's the difference between a hooker and Jesus?

Their face when you nail them!

One day, the fat kid came up to me and asked me, "What's cracking?" The floorboards, you idiot. You're causing a 9.7 Richter scale earthquake and asking ME what's cracking. It would be best if you looked down for a second.

What does a killer say in the shower in the morning?

- Splish splash, I'm gonna slash...

What's the difference between a trampoline and a baby? I take my shoes off when I jump on a trampoline.

What's worse than ten babies nailed to one tree?

One baby nailed to ten trees.

What's the only gun that doesn't exist in Africa?

A water gun.

What do you call a group of depressed kids?

The suicide squad.

What's the difference between a boring teacher and a boring book?

You can shut the book up.

What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? -- Tequila Mockingbird.

What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?

He went to the Shell station.

What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?

Both are lying when they say "I'm a real boy."

(I'm a trans man myself lol)

What do you call a fish with no eye?

A ffsshh.

What do you call a belt made of watches? A waste of time.

What do you call a horse rider with Down syndrome?

Down Quijote.

Little Johnny was overheard by his mother reciting his homework, “Two plus two, the son of a b*tch is four; four plus four, the son of a b*tch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a b*tch...;” “Johnny!” shouted his mother. “Stop swearing!” “But mom!” Little Johnny protested, “That’s what the teacher taught us! And she said we should recite it till we learned it!”

The next day his mother went to the teacher to complain. “No, no,” said the teacher, terrified. “That’s not what I taught them. They’re supposed to say: ‘Two plus two, the sum of which is four.’”

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

What has more brains than the Columbine students? The wall behind them, xD.

So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.

Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)

Frank: Yo

Fred: Hi...

Frank: U heard about de competition?

Fred: Yeah...

Frank: You wanna hang out?

Fred: .......

Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.

Fred: ...I(

Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.

Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.

Son: Mom, can I borrow $50?

Mom: What? NO WAY! Do you think money grows on trees?

Son: Mom, what is money made of?

Mom: Paper.

Son: Where does paper come from?

Mom: . . .

If I were alone on an island with Camilla Cabello, and we were never going to escape, I'd rape her. I mean, what is she going to do? Tell someone?