Whats jokes

What has two butts and kills people?

An assassin.

What does an Xbox/PlayStation and Michael Jackson have in common?

Kids turn them on.

What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.

What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."

What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?

They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.

What do planets use to download music?

Nep-tunes.

What do planets read?

Comet books.

What road goes all the way to the sky? A highway.

What’s the best way to get a baby out of a blender? Tortilla Chips.

What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

What did the two paintings say after a long battle?

Let's call this one a draw.

What do you call a retreat in war?

A backup plan.

What is a pig’s 🐷 favorite pie 🥧?

Mississippi Mud.

What's the difference between a snow woman and snow man?

Snowballs.

What is the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani primary school?

I don't know... I just fly the drone.

What's the most played game in Africa? The Hunger Games.

What do you call someone in a wheelchair during a California fire?

A steamed vegetable.

What type of lettuce did they serve on the Titanic? - Iceberg.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a carrier bag? One is plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other is a carrier bag.

So, I was sitting with my little brother and talking about our dreams. "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" I asked him. He answered, "A doctor!" I wanted to tease him so I said, "I wouldn't be treated by a doctor like you." I was hoping he would get mad or something, but instead, he calmly replied, "Brother, I said doctor. Not a vet."

What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and McDonalds? They both like sticking their meat in 6-year-old buns.