Doctor: I have good news and I have worse news Patient: Well what's the bad news Doctor: You have one day left to live Patient: What news could possibly be worse Doctor: I've been trying to contact you sense yesterday
A kid asks hims mom "mom how much do you love me" the mother responds with "i love you as much as i love your brother" the kid looks confused and says "but i don't have a brother" the mother smiles and says "well i guess my love is not existing
So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret and I said, well you never know when you need to pick a lock
Did you hear about the blind prostitute? Well, you gotta hand it to her.
I have a the best life coach ever, because he taught to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.
Expectation: Brr, I’m cold! Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!
Reality: Brr, I’m cold! Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather.
Yḱnow how in pinocchio the french puppets have the thigh rings? Well I got em too! Only red and thinner.
so there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs that said hey sir i've never been fucked before will you do the honors and fuck me, so I threw her in the ocean and said well your fucked now.
I've always been suicidal ,some might say why haven't I actually done the act ,I'll just say well I hate myself to much so I though I stay around for the punishment of staying alive
What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?
Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.
People complain we are over- populated. Well then if we committed suicide then why do they be sad. It's one less person to think about. Why complain about it when in the end we become sad peoples?
Me and my stepmom went into the forest.I think I hid the body pretty well but now I have to hide the gun.
Little Johnny went to the doctor to get an infection checked on his penis. As the doctor examined it, he asked," Lil Johnny how did you get an infection on your penis?" Johnny replied, "Well, the damn neighbor Sally's braces are to sharp."
There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said “Well, you’re fucked now.”
Fatty told Skinyy "Do you have any food my stomach is empty and I haven't eaten" Skinny replied to Fatty "Well doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead"
"You look like you've lost some weight."
"Really? Well, whatever weight I lost, you found it, pal!"
Little Johnny was eating dinner with his family. His mother went around the table and asked, "mark, what would you like to eat?" Mark said, "I'd like some fucking potato's." *SMACK*! mother slapped mark. She then asked suzie, "what would you like to eat?" "Well, I'd like some fucking potatos" said suzie *SMAACK*! she slapped suzie. "Ok. Johnny, what would you like to eat?" Well.... I sure as hell dont want no fucking potatos.
I ran into a dwarf and he said: Well, I’m not happy Then which one are you?
A man comes home and hears her wife talking about having sex at the club, the man busts into the club with a revolver and says "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE" well everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says "mate you don't have enough bullets"
i swear in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers cant even win a war, might as well send all your school shooters over there
