Hey JFK, what would you do if you were in a fight?
JFK: Well, I'd give them a piece of my mind.
Knock knock
Who's there
Insomnia
You'll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that... Well now I can 't cry myself to sleep anymore...
Brother: I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help Sister: that’s my fu__ing electric toothbrush Brother: oh, well the offer still stands.
If you're gonna razor yourself you might as well have shaving cream.
Do trees shit?
Well, how else would we get #2 pencils?
Joe Biden’s speeches are so motivational. In fact, I have been stuck at home these past few weeks, and his well articulated words were enough for me to muster up the courage to jump off of a 10 story building.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off?
Well he’s all right now!
Imagine failing to commit suicide, you might as well go kill yourself
Coronavirus walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Gimme a shot of whiskey, will ya?"
The bartender says, "Sorry. We don't serve viruses here."
Corona replies, "Well, you're not a very good host."
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a badly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.
A DEPRESSED GUY WALKS INTO A BAR AND SAYS "CAN I GET SHOT".THE BARTENDER THEN SAYS "YOU MEAN CAN YOU GET A SHOT RIGHT?THE BARTENDER THEN SAYS "WELL..........WHAT DRINK WOULD YOU LIKE?THE DEPRESSED THEN RESPONDS WITH A "NO I REALLY WANT TO GET SHOT.
Q.What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?
A. A seatbelt.
"Just say no to drugs!" well, if i'm talking to my drugs, i probably already said yes
Why do people keep on making jokes about the twin towers? Because they go down so well
How to know if your wife is dead ; well the sex is still trash ;but the dishes really start to pile up
My wife left me for an Indian guy. -- I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
Q: How do you know a wishing well works? A: If your mother-in-law falls down it
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well, it was more of a wrap.
911 what’s your emergency Me, my grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she’s dead Well it’s not a living room any more Me, hangs up
So I went to my friends funeral today, As we were all leaving a kid put a get well soon card next to my friends grave ‘poor kid’
