Well Jokes

(on thirteenth birthday) Girl: Ma, why did papa leave? Mother: Well, it started exactly 1 year and 189 days ago...

Did you hear about the Boston marathon cause well I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away

I once auditioned to be in sausage party. I thought I filled the role well.

An HDMI cable and an electrical outlet went on a date. It didn't go well, because they couldn't connect.

So Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says "teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But beforeclass ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the studentsclear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well come with me out to my dads car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"

Man:Did you know pidgins die after having sex? Women:No really? Man:Well the one I fucked did...

So Johnny was in kindergarten and his teacher assigned him to learn the ABC's so he goes home and ask his mom who's cooking "Whats the first letter of the ABC's?" he ask and his mom responds with "SHUT UP... I'M COOKING!" so then he walks to sister who's signing in the shower and asks her "Whats the 2nd letter of the ABC's?" she responds with "I'm ready to go I'm ready to go!" then he walks over to his brother who's watching batman and asks "Whats the 3rd letter of the ABC's" and his brother responds with "nu nu nu nu batman" then he proceeds to walk to his dad who's watching football and ask "Dad whats the 4th letter of the ABC's?" and he responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" then he walks to his grandma who's cooking buns and ask her "Whats the 5th letter of the ABC's?" and she responds with "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!" then he Johnny proceeds to go to school the next day and the teacher says to her class "Can any of you tell me the first letter of the ABC's" Johnny of course raises his hand and the teacher calls on him then he says "SHUT UP I'M COOKING!" then the teacher raises and eyebrow and says "Young man are you ready to go to the principals office?" then he proceeds to say "I'm ready to go I'm ready to go!" and he walks to the principals office then she says "What's you're name son?" he responds with "Nu nu nu nu batman!" then the principal ask "How many spanken's boy?!" he responds with "95 HIT EM HARD" and after that he runs out of the principal's office well yelling "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!"

Me and Jesus are really close he even turns the light on for me when i go pee in the middle of the, well that is what i thought until the fridge was wet.

Little johnny is a trucker, he stops at a bar. johnny sees a sign that says hamburgers for two dollers, cheeseburger for three dollars, handjob for ten dollars. he walks up to the bartender and whispers to her, "are you the one that gives the handjobs for ten dollars?" she replies "yes, thats me" johnny says "well can you wash your hands because i want a cheeseburger"

If at first you don't succeed, oh well, so much for skydiving.

Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan. The tour guide said “That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member” Well done Lewandisney

The view is so much better without those twins covering the city

-well that was a blow up

I would make a joke about Kobe but I don't think it would fly very well

I wrote puns on a piece of paper like this:

P. P. P. P U. U. U. U N. N. N. N S. S. S. S

Then I showed them to my teacher, asking him what they had in common “They are all very tearable” he replied Well, there is one person who gets it!

Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because he wasn't peeling very well!

If you are dehydrated you should get well soon.

What did the computer say to the other computer? “Well Tech-ically we can’t talk.”

"Dad what is 69?" asks son Dad: Well son, it a position where a man and women pleasure each other orally. Son: So what shall I write? Odd or even.

"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth,"the woman told her dentist. He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."