Weight jokes

A fat man was checking his weight and sucking in his fat belly. A physicist saw it and said that's not how the law of conservation of mass works.

Plot twist: The fat man jumped on the physicist and proved him wrong. Now the physicist doesn't have mass.

You are so fat that Big Chungus looks like a small Chungus.

Yo mama is SO FAT... SO FUCKING FAT... That when she went on the bus, she wasn't allowed in. She asked why, and the driver pointed to the sign "Weight capacity of 50 people". The bus was empty.

She got mad and ate the bus!

The chicken is so fat.

How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.

Because all I do is pound it, man. I would put you on my "600 Pound Life" if you didn't weigh 1,000.

Fat kids are so fat, they have their own gravitational pull.

Yo mama's so fat, when she sat down there was a big earthquake.

Yo mama so fat, when Santa Claus went down the chimney, he said, "Ho, ho, hooooly sh*t!"

Obese is the N-word for fat people.

Your mum is so fat, she eats every meal from KFC, Maccas, Hungry Jacks all at once!

Zion is so fat that his dick can't even fit in his wife's pussy.

Yo mamma's so fat, she had to pull down her pants to get to her wallet!

When fat people smash, it must feel like a huge submarine hitting you.

Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!

Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.

Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?

Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.

Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.

Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.

Brother 2: You monster.

Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?

Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.

Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.

Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!

Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.

Brother 1: Found them.

*imaginary mother and brother fade away*

Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.

Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.

Yo mama so fat, she fell into a pond and all the fish drowned.

Your mama's so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "To be continued."

You're so fat that people say you're the biggest bird!

Joe Mama so fat when she stepped on the sidewalk, I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

Your mama is so fat. She gets winded just thinking about running.