Weight jokes
What weighs 70 pounds and doesn't like sex?
The 6-year-old in the trunk of my car.
My "overweight" friend and I were talking at lunch.
Overweight friend: Man, why you so ugly, dude?
Me: *annoyed* Jason, when you stepped on the scale this morning, it asked for your weight, not your phone number.
What does a skeleton say when it has a lot of stuff?
"I have a skele-TON of stuff to do."
Fat kids are so fat, they have their own gravitational pull.
Q. What movie is a fat person most afraid of?
A. The Hunger Games.
SHES FAT!!
Yo mama's so fat, when she sat down there was a big earthquake.
Yo momma is so fat, her bellybutton gets home 15 minutes before she does.
I’m light as a feather, yet the strongest person can’t hold me for five minutes. What am I?
Yo mama so fat, when Santa Claus went down the chimney, he said, "Ho, ho, hooooly sh*t!"
Zion's so fat, when he walks, he breaks his mama's back.
Yo mama so FAT...
That when she had sex with you...
Your balls turned to pancakes.
Yo mama is so fat that she got on the scale, and it says, "Lose some pounds before you get on the scale, or it will break!"
Yo mama is so fat that she stepped on the scale and it says, "Hey fat b****, break your fat a** in half so you won't weigh as much!"
Your mom is so fat that she made the earth flat.
Your mum is so fat, she eats every meal from KFC, Maccas, Hungry Jacks all at once!
A fat man was checking his weight and sucking in his fat belly. A physicist saw it and said that's not how the law of conservation of mass works.
Plot twist: The fat man jumped on the physicist and proved him wrong. Now the physicist doesn't have mass.
How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.
The chicken is so fat.
You are so fat that Big Chungus looks like a small Chungus.
Yo mama is SO FAT... SO FUCKING FAT... That when she went on the bus, she wasn't allowed in. She asked why, and the driver pointed to the sign "Weight capacity of 50 people". The bus was empty.
She got mad and ate the bus!