Weight jokes
When fat people smash, it must feel like a huge submarine hitting you.
Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!
Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.
Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?
Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.
Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.
Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.
Brother 2: You monster.
Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?
Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.
Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.
Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!
Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.
Brother 1: Found them.
*imaginary mother and brother fade away*
Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.
Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.
Yo mama so fat, she fell into a pond and all the fish drowned.
Your mama so fat that’s why Hulk gets big.
Your momma so fat she can feed [the] entire continent of Africa with her fat!
Your mum is so fat, when she slept on the bed, the bed cracked and they had to replace it by a dinosaur.
How much does a hipster weigh? An Instagram.
Your mama is so fat that when she ate a burger, she liked it.
Yo mama's so fat, her belly button gets home 15 minutes before she does.
Your manna so fat your father will be coming around the mountain when he cums.
Your mama so fat when she steps on the scale, the scale said, "I'm trying to get your weight, not your phone number!"
Yo mama so fat, she had to get baptized at SeaWorld!
Yo momma's so fat that even Dora can't explore her.
Yo momma so fat, a picture of her would fall off the wall!
Yo momma so fat, when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down!
Joe Mama so fat, when she told a joke nobody laughed, but the floor was cracking up.
"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"
Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.
You're so ugly and fat, and you're so lazy you can't even get your ass up and walk.
Yo mama so fat... she brought a spoon... to the SUPER BOOOOOOWL! YEAHHHHHHH!!!!!
Your mama so fat that when you were born, yo mama gave you carpet burn.