Weight jokes
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender could squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time, weight lifters, lumberjacks, men in the Army, and etc. But still, nobody could do it.
One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "okay," and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS."
Your mum is so fat, when she sat in a monster truck, it turned into a lowrider.
You're so fat that you have to live on Pluto so you don't destroy any of the planets.
Bully: Your mom gay.
Me: There's something on your chin.
Bully: Where?
Me: No, on your fourth one.
I didn’t know if she was anorexic or not, so I tossed her an onion ring to see if she would eat it or use it as a hula hoop.
Yo mama fat as fuck.
The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
Q: Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake.
Levi and Andrew are fat.
Yo mama so fat, she curves space and time.
Yo mama so fat that she broke your computer!
lol
Your mamma's so fat, the aliens call her their mother ship!
You're so skinny you never gain weight. You're so skinny you're a thin stick.
Joe mama's so fat, I took a picture of her last year, and it’s still printing!
Yo mama so fat, even Thanos had to snap twice.
Yo mama so fat I bet if she farted, the whole Universe go Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-BOOM.
My friend: You're so skinny, you never miss the elevator when it's closing. You just slip right through!😂
Me thinking it's a gift from God: 🕴️😎
Yo mama so fat, she broke the stairway to heaven.
Q: How much does a skeleton weigh?
A: A skele-TON.
Aunt: On the internet, buying weight loss pills for 15 dollars.
Niece: I found that show on Netflix that you wanted to watch. It's 3 dollars to watch.
Aunt: I'm not paying for that shit.
Niece: Yet you sit there and buy weight loss pills.